This discussion topic is a question we received from a friend in recovery. His concern is about how he can help his wife feel safe and how he can be patient with her when he feels she’s far away. If anyone is interested in sharing a discussion topic, please reach out to me here.
I’ve had a good week. I reached out and got a sponsor from arpsupport.org. I started with him on Sunday. It’s made a huge difference in my recovery this week. I’ve struggled with actually working the steps on my own, so the structure of this sponsor system has been helpful to give me that extra push. I feel I still need to reach out and get a sponsor who is a close friend rather than some guy in AZ, but for now I feel it’s a step in the right direction.
I currently have 5 days of recovery…it’s not a long time, but I feel it has been 5 days of quality recovery.
My question is, in your experience, how were you able to be patient with your wife? I have always tried to force our relationship…whenever I relapsed I would try to fix our relationship right away, try to get her to treat me well as soon as possible…in a way try to brush the problem under the rug asap. I know this is wrong, but I still struggle with being patient and giving her the time she needs to recover.
My therapist helped me with this by explaining I need to gain a better sense of myself…do things for myself so that I’m not acted upon but rather act for myself when negative emotions come…not let her actions (or lack of action) affect how I act, but CHOOSE to act for myself. These things include step work, journaling, reaching out, running, etc. Those things have helped tremendously this week, but I still have those negative emotions that come because my wife is so distant.
Is there anything that has helped you with this?
Any advise you have to help me give her the time she needs…not try to rush back into everything appearing to be good on the outside?
Or is it more about me learning to deal with these emotions better/more healthy, and figuring out how to let them go?
What are your thoughts on the question?