Before looking at the article I want to write out what I think the talk will be about or what it will suggest:

To have the Atonement of Jesus Christ “written in our hearts” we/I need to think about it often.

To have the Atonement of Jesus Christ “written in our hearts” we/I need to believe Christ will really be there for us.

To have the Atonement of Jesus Christ “written in our hearts” we/I need to have faith in the process.

To have the Atonement of Jesus Christ “written in our hearts” we/I need to put first things first and prioritize.

To have the Atonement of Jesus Christ “written in our hearts” we/I need to submit ,y will to God by praying, asking for His help, and then going to work.

To have the Atonement of Jesus Christ “written in our hearts” we/I need to not look down on or judge others but simply focus on what we/I can do to be a better person.

These are some initial thoughts. Now on to the reading.

Making, keeping, and rejoicing in our covenants will be the evidence that the Atonement of Jesus Christ is truly written in our hearts.

So the talk is about the covenants we make, how we keep those covenants, and how we feel when we do keep those covenants.

“After those days, saith the Lord, I will put my law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts; and will be their God, and they shall be my people. …

“… They shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the Lord: for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.”³

We are the people Jeremiah saw. Have we invited the Lord to write the law, or doctrine, in our hearts? Do we believe that the forgiveness available through the Atonement that Jeremiah refers to applies to us personally?

How do I invite the Lord to write the law, or doctrine, in my heart?

I believe one of the ways is by starting my day off with prayer and gospel study. To me, this is inviting the Lord to write the doctrine in my heart; it’s showing Him what I feel is most important. It’s showing Him that, above all other things, I want to do what’s right and I rely on Him to help me succeed in everything else.

I met with the Bishop last Sunday to renew my temple recommend. In that meeting I was very open about my relapses and told him I was nervous on how those relapses would effect my temple recommend. The Bishop was very understanding and talked to me about not beating myself up. We talked about repentance and the importance of being honest about what happens.

I talked with the Stake Presidency yesterday and that went well too. I feel I’ve been honest and am trying to submit my will to God.

B and I had a great talk last night too about what our core issues are – what causes us to yell, get angry, and eventually “act out” in our addictions. She helped me realize that one of my core problems is self-imposed expectations. I want to do all these things and when I don’t get them all done due to lack of preparation or wasting time, I get frustrated and dig myself into a deeper pit. Her core issue is similar to mine.

“If we can keep that in our families and in the Church, maybe a lot of other things start to take care of themselves. Maybe a lot of other less-needed things sort of fall out of the wagon. I’m told those handcarts could only hold so much. Just as our ancestors had to choose what they took, maybe the 21st century will drive us to decide, ‘What can we put on this handcart?’ It’s the substance of our soul; it’s the stuff right down in the marrow of our bones.”⁴ Or, to put it another way, it is what is written in our hearts!

What would I put in my handcart? What’s most important to me?

My family is the first and most important priority. I think I’d also take journals and pictures (family history). I’d take my laptop although it’s probably not the most important thing in the eternal realm of things.

Sister Burton goes on to share three principles of the Atonement that will help us increase our faith in Jesus Christ:

“All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.”

Without an understanding of Heavenly Father’s perfect plan of happiness and the Savior’s Atonement as the central feature of that plan, these challenges could seem unfair.

Why does the Lord allow suffering and adversity to come to us in this life? Simply put, it is part of the plan for our growth and progress! We “shouted for joy”⁶ when we knew we would have the opportunity to come to earth to experience mortality. Elder Dallin H. Oaks taught, “Our needed conversions are often achieved more readily by suffering and adversity than by comfort and tranquillity.”⁷

There is power in the Atonement to enable us to overcome the natural man or woman and become true disciples of Jesus Christ.⁹

“A [woman] walking along a road fell into a pit so deep [she] could not climb out. No matter what [she] did, [she] could not get out by [herself]. The [woman] called for help and rejoiced when a kind passerby heard [her] and lowered a ladder down into the pit. This allowed [her] to climb out of the pit and regain [her] freedom.

“We are like the [woman] in the pit. Sinning is like falling into the pit, and we can’t get out by ourselves. Just as the kind passerby heard the [woman’s] cry for help, Heavenly Father sent his Only Begotten Son to provide the means of escape. Jesus Christ’s atonement could be compared to lowering a ladder into the pit; it gives us the means to climb out.”¹⁰ But the Savior does more than lower the ladder, He “comes down into the pit and makes it possible for us to use the ladder to escape.”¹¹ “Just as the [woman] in the pit had to climb up the ladder, we must repent of our sins and obey the gospel principles and ordinances to climb out of our pit and make the Atonement work in our lives. Thus, after all we can do, the Atonement makes it possible for us to become worthy to return to Heavenly Father’s presence.”¹²

I’ve felt like this from time to time: like I’m in a pit so deep that I can’t climb out. Elder Bednar taught:

“It is one thing to know that Jesus Christ came to earth to die for us—that is fundamental and foundational to the doctrine of Christ. But we also need to appreciate that the Lord desires, through His Atonement and by the power of the Holy Ghost, to live in us—not only to direct us but also to empower us.”¹³

The Atonement is the greatest evidence we have of the Father’s love for His children.

Elder Oaks stated:

“Think how it must have grieved our Heavenly Father to send His Son to endure incomprehensible suffering for our sins. That is the greatest evidence of His love for each of us!”¹⁴

This reminds me of the talk I had yesterday with Caleb after church. He seemed really down and almost sick. I asked him what was wrong and he didn’t want to talk about it. So I let it settle for a bit and then, when we got home, I brought him in the office and we talked about what was bothering him. He told me about a man that had let his little boy die in order to save some people on a train. Go figure, this was the story I shared at my mission farewell – “The Bridge”.

Caleb was really bothered by the story, by how sad it was. I assured him that the story was probably just that, a story, but that something like that really did happen when Heavenly Father sent His son to the earth to die for all of us. He knew that Christ would suffer terribly. He knew that Christ ultimately would have to give his life. But he also knew that there was no other way nor means by which men could live with Him again, save it were through the Atonement of His Son.

9 O remember, remember, my sons, the ^awords which king Benjamin spake unto his people; yea, remember that there is no other way nor means whereby man can be saved, only through the ^batoning blood of Jesus Christ, who shall come; yea, remember that he cometh to ^credeem the ^dworld. (Helaman 5:9)

6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the ^away, the ^btruth, and the life: no man ^ccometh unto the Father, but by me. (John 14:6)

That supreme act of love ought to send each of us to our knees in humble prayer to thank our Heavenly Father for loving us enough that He sent His Only Begotten and perfect Son to suffer for our sins, our heartaches, and all that seems unfair in our own individual lives.

1. Study the scriptures
2. Say personal prayers
3. Keep the commandments
4. Serve others

This is the Formula for Happiness. This is also the formula for not leaving the Church, or, in other words – holding to the rod of iron.

Yep, it’s the primary answers – the “small and simple things”.

As I think about those I know who have left the Church for one reason or another, I’m pretty sure it started with them not doing these things. Whether they stopped doing them or just never did them, I’m not sure; they may have even been doing them to simply be “seen of men” but inwardly they may have had no intention to really follow their feelings.

There are a couple perfect scriptures that back up this theory of why people leave the LDS Church:

6 Now ye may suppose that this is ^afoolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by ^bsmall and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.

7 And the Lord God doth work by ^ameans to bring about his great and eternal purposes; and by very ^bsmall means the Lord doth ^cconfound the wise and bringeth about the salvation of many souls. (Alma 37:6-7)

33  Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great. (D&C 64:33)

I think it’s interesting how it says “…and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.” Confound means “GR shame, frustrate.”

Who are “the wise”?

I found a couple scriptures that talk about the “wise”: Isa. 44:25; 1 Cor. 1:20.

25  That frustrateth the tokens of the liars, and maketh diviners mad; that turneth wise men backward, and maketh their knowledge foolish;

20  Where is the wise? where is the scribe? where is the disputer of this world? hath not God made foolish the wisdom of this world?

In Jeremiah 8:8-9 it says the following about the “wise”:

8  How do ye say, We are wise, and the law of the Lord is with us? Lo, certainly in vain made he it; the pen of the scribes is in vain.
9  The wise men are ashamed, they are dismayed and taken: lo, they have rejected the word of the Lord; and what wisdom is in them?

2 Nephi 9:28 talks about the “wise” too:

28  O that cunning plan of the evil one! O the vainness, and the frailties, and the foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish.

1st Corinthians talks about the “natural man” too, how they don’t receive the things of the Spirit.

14  But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.

What are some of the characteristics of the “learned” and “wise”?

Luke 16:15:

15  And he said unto them, Ye are they which justify yourselves before men; but God knoweth your hearts: for that which is highly esteemed among men is abomination in the sight of God.

2 Nephi 26:20:

20  And the Gentiles are lifted up in the pride of their eyes, and have stumbled, because of the greatness of their stumbling block, that they have built up many churches; nevertheless, they put down the power and miracles of God, and preach up unto themselves their own wisdom and their own learning, that they may get gain and grind upon the face of the poor.

2 Nephi 28:4,15

4  And they shall contend one with another; and their priests shall contend one with another, and they shall teach with their learning, and deny the Holy Ghost, which giveth utterance.

15  O the wise, and the learned, and the rich, that are puffed up in the pride of their hearts, and all those who preach false doctrines, and all those who commit whoredoms, and pervert the right way of the Lord, wo, wo, wo be unto them, saith the Lord God Almighty, for they shall be thrust down to hell!

So to me it seems as if the “wise” and “learned” are characterized in the scriptures as follows:

•  justify themselves and their behavior
• are highly esteemed among men
• are lifted up in the pride of their eyes (narcissism)
• have stumbled (or sinned in some way)
• build up many churches
• put down the power and miracles of God and say they can do all things because of their wisdom and learning
• get gain for this wisdom and learning
• grind upon the face of the poor
• contend one with another
• teach with their learning and deny the Holy Ghost (or feelings of the heart)
• preach false doctrines (or the philosophies of men, mingled with scripture)
• commit whoredoms
• pervert the right way of the Lord

Now I need to ask myself, “Do I fall into any of these characteristics?” “How can I avoid falling into these pits?”

It’s interesting to read these scriptures and think about what M’s been telling us about what she now believes (or is being taught). Some things that come to mind are that you shouldn’t rely on your feelings.

In an effort to understand this concept of “not relying on feelings” – or “teach with their learning and deny the Holy Ghost” – I Googled do evangelicals teach not to rely on feelings. I found the exact answer I’m sure M has been taught:

But feelings cannot be our ultimate authority because, as we all know, they are so changeable, and unreliable. They come and they go, and you never know what they may be. ‘I dare not trust the sweetest frame’, says a hymn-writer, because it may have gone by tomorrow. If I am to be governed by my feelings I shall find myself constantly changing—sometimes happy, sometimes miserable, sometimes feeling that all is well, sometimes that everything is going wrong, sometimes thrilled by reading the Bible, at other times having to force myself to get something out of it, feeling dry, arid, dull, stupid! Is not that your experience? If so, how can you rely on feelings as your authority?

Then remember, too, that feelings can be so easily counterfeited. If what is nice is of necessity good, if what gives me a pleasant, comfortable feeling must be right, then I have no answer whatsoever to the cults. I would just have to say: ‘Well, go to them. Anything that makes you feel better, anything that gives you a kind of release and relief is good; follow it. Anything that makes you a better man must be right, go after it.’ If we rely merely upon the pragmatic test of what makes me feel better we have no standard at all. I cannot criticize any teaching. It is so entirely subjective that I have no standard whatsoever.

David Martyn Lloyd-Jones, The Christian Soldier : An Exposition of Ephesians 6:10 to 20 (Edinburgh; Carlisle, Pa.: Banner of Truth Trust, 1977), 202-03.

And here’s another example:

The promise of God’s Word, the Bible – not our feelings – is our authority. The Christian lives by faith (trust) in the trustworthiness of God Himself and His Word. This train diagram illustrates the relationship among fact (God and His Word), faith (our trust in God and His Word), and feeling (the result of our faith and obedience) (John 14:21).

The train will run with or without a caboose. However, it would be useless to attempt to pull the train by the caboose. In the same way, as Christians we do not depend on feelings or emotions, but we place our faith (trust) in the trustworthiness of God and the promises of His Word.

Where is this coming from?

How do these believers feel the influence of the Holy Ghost if they say that feelings are irrelevant?

What is fact really and how do they know it’s fact?

Can’t fact be interpreted in a variety of ways as to confuse the concept completely?

What is the scripture in 1st Corinthians saying then if we shouldn’t rely on the feelings given to us by the Holy Ghost? (“But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.”)

My Conclusion

My initial impression after reading some of these ideas on not following our feelings is “Wow! What are they thinking?” I know that the scriptures tell the truth; I also know that the scriptures can and are interpreted in so many different ways. The “yeah, it says that but it really means this…” concept. I’m grateful for modern-day revelation and second testimony of the Gospel, written by people in another part of the world who also sought God and Christ in their lives and were directed via His prophets.

I’ve also confirmed my beliefs in the following things:

• Doing the small and simple things will keep me on the straight and narrow path.
• I need to be careful not to rely on my own knowledge.
• It’s ok to question things and search the scriptures; but I must be careful not to rely on the “philosophies of men”.
• The Holy Ghost can and does cause me to “feel” what is right and true.
• I’m grateful for the restoration of the true Gospel of Jesus Christ: it is so clear, so simple, and yet for all of us, so easy to forget and set aside as a thing of not.
• Following the formula – the small and simple things – really does bring true happiness and conversion.

I am grateful for today’s study.

N

My little sister-in-law Mandy is one of those people – she’s falling away, ready to take her name off the records of the Church, and insistent that we are all deceived and just haven’t heard all the history that we should hear.

She’s making choices that I feel she’s going to regret for the rest of her life.

And WHY?

For this reason and a few others, I really want to get this post started and do more research on the topic of LDS member apostasy.

This post will be the start of an outline; then I’ll turn it into a thesis and then submit it to the Ensign and other blogs to see what kind of reaction I get.

Question: Why do LDS members apostatize?

Are there examples of Apostasy in the scriptures?

Scripture References of Apostasy

• Laman and Lemuel
• 5 The earth also is defiled under the inhabitants thereof; because they have ^atransgressed the laws, ^bchanged the ^cordinance, ^dbroken the ^eeverlasting ^fcovenant. (Isaiah 24:5)
• 11 ¶Behold, the days come, saith the Lord God, that I will send a famine in the land, not a ^afamine of bread, nor a ^bthirst for water, but of hearing the ^cwords of the Lord:
  12 And they shall wander from sea to sea, and from the north even to the east, they shall ^arun to and fro to seek the word of the Lord, and shall not find it. (Amos 8:11-12)
• 13  ¶Wherefore the Lord said, Forasmuch as this people draw near me with their mouth, and with their lips do honour me, but have removed their heart far from me, and their fear toward me is taught by the precept of men: (Isaiah 29:13)
• Matthew 24:4-14
• 28 ¶Take heed therefore unto yourselves, and to all the ^aflock, over the which the Holy Ghost hath made you ^boverseers, to feed the ^cchurch of God, which he hath purchased with his own ^dblood.
  29 For I know this, that after my departing shall ^agrievous wolves enter in among you, not sparing the flock.
  30 Also of your own selves shall men arise, speaking ^aperverse things, to ^bdraw away disciples after them. (Acts 20:28-30)
• 1 This know also, that in the ^alast days perilous ^btimes shall come.
  2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, ^acovetous, boasters, ^bproud, blasphemers, ^cdisobedient to parents, ^dunthankful, unholy, 3 Without ^anatural ^baffection, ^ctrucebreakers, ^dfalse accusers, ^eincontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
  4 ^aTraitors, ^bheady, ^chighminded, lovers of ^dpleasures more than lovers of God;
  5 Having a ^aform of godliness, but ^bdenying the power thereof: from such turn away.
  14 But ^acontinue thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them; 15 And that from a ^achild thou hast known the holy ^bscriptures, which are able to make thee ^cwise unto ^dsalvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. (2 Timothy 3:1-5,14-15)

This final scripture reminds me a lot of what I heard in Sacrament Meeting yesterday. The speaker talked about the dangers of the Internet and what it is causing with the youth. He identified social media as a cause of “narcissism”. I looked up narcissism and found this:

Narcissistic personality disorder is a condition in which people have an excessive sense of self-importance, an extreme preoccupation with themselves, and lack of empathy for others.

Causes of Narcissism

Cause of this disorder is unknown. Early life experiences, such as particularly insensitive parenting, are thought to play a role in the development of this disorder.

Symptoms of Narcissism

A person with narcissistic personality disorder may:

• React to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation
• Take advantage of other people to achieve his or her own goals
• Have excessive feelings of self-importance
• Exaggerate achievements and talents
• Be preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love
• Have unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment
• Need constant attention and admiration
• Disregard the feelings of others, and have little ability to feel empathy
• Have obsessive self-interest
• Pursue mainly selfish goals

I also found this:

Narcissism is a generalized personality trait characterized by egotism, vanity, pride, or selfishness. However, narcissism has subsequently included particular meanings in specific fields, including:

A central concept of psychoanalytic theory

A mental illness

A social or cultural problem

A personality trait.

“Egotism, vanity, pride, or selfishness…” – how ironic that these attributes are mentioned so often in the talk “Beware of Pride” by President Ezra Taft Benson and also in the talk by President Uchtdorf.

So is narcissism one of the reasons why members of the Church apostatize? It seems to have a strong correlation.

What is an Apostate?

From LDS.org:

“Members of the Church vary in their levels of participation or belief. Latter-day Saints who have seriously contravened or ignored cardinal Church teachings (publicly or privately) are considered apostates, whether or not they have officially left the Church or affiliated with another religion” (Encyclopedia of Mormonism [1992], 1:59).

My Thesis on Why Members of the Church Apostatize

Due to pride, the Internet, and the power of social media, members of the Church fall into apostasy.

I should like to emphasize the importance of watching the little things in our lives…

Speaking to the Prophet Joseph Smith in 1831, the Lord said: “Out of small things proceedeth that which is great.” (D&C 64:33.) It is so with good or evil, my brothers and sisters. Small, kind acts can grow into mammoth good institutions. The Boy Scout movement is an example of this as is known by anyone acquainted with the history of this great institution. It is so likewise with evil things. Small acts of dishonesty, small acts of an immoral nature, small outbursts of anger can grow into great and terrible things.

There is so much to this talk by President Hinckley. The little matters in our lives can lead to big things that change our life forever.

I’m grateful for this time I’ve taken today to study. This will be an ongoing study and I will refer to it again in future studies.

Hasta luego!

N

No other success can compensate for failure in the home.” - David O McKay

So what does that have to do with the Atonement of Jesus Christ and how I use it in my life?

I feel my addition has had some negative effects on how I treat my family. When I’ve made mistakes, I tend to have a short temper – easy to anger; when I’ve got the weight of the addiction I’m not as willing to give the quality time to my wife or kids that they deserve. When I’m in the addiction I stay up late and wake up cranky. When I’m in the addiction I forget (or just don’t) to feed myself spiritually.

All of these specifics lead to my “success in the home”. It doesn’t really matter if I hit my business goals or see growth in my company and bottom line if I’m damaging the relationship I have with my wife and kids, and even more importantly the relationship I have with Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ.

I found these answers in regard to “What is the Atonement of Jesus Christ?“:

It is impossible to put into words the full meaning of the Atonement, which is the most important and most transcendent event in the history of the world. Through His suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross, the Savior atoned for our sins. This is the good news for all people!

We can’t fully understand how Jesus suffered for our sins. But we know that in the Garden of Gethsemane, the weight of our sins caused Him to feel such agony that He bled from every pore (Doctrine and Covenants 19:16-17).

Later, as He hung upon the cross, Jesus again felt the weight of our sins even as He willingly suffered painful death by one of the most cruel methods ever known. Jesus the Christ, page 462 states, “It seems, that in addition to the fearful suffering incident to crucifixion, the agony of Gethsemane had recurred, intensified beyond human power to endure. In that bitterest hour the dying Christ was alone, alone in most terrible reality.”

The Savior tells us:

“For behold, I… have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer… even as I.” (Doctrine and Covenants 19:16-17)

Jesus Christ did what only He could do in atoning for our sins. To make His Atonement fully effective in our individual lives, we must have faith in Christ, repent of our sins, be baptized and confirmed by one having authority, receive the gift of the Holy Ghost, obey God’s commandments, receive sacred ordinances, and strive to become like Him. As we do these things through His Atonement, we can return to live with Him and our Heavenly Father forever.

I really like these answers, especially in the context of the Mandy experience we’ve all been going through. Yes, we are all “saved by grace” because of the Atonement – Christ has already overcome physical death and we will all be “saved” whether we accept Jesus in this life or not. All of us will have immortality where we live again after this life.

However, in order to receive the other part of the Atonement, the victory over spiritual death or sin, we have to do as much as we can. Like it says,

To make His Atonement fully effective in our individual lives, we must

• have faith in Christ,
• repent of our sins,
• be baptized and confirmed by one having authority,
• receive the gift of the Holy Ghost,
• obey God’s commandments,
• receive sacred ordinances,
• and strive to become like Him.

As we do these things through His Atonement, we can return to live with Him and our Heavenly Father forever.

Does that mean that Mormons are expected to “do it all on our own” or “become perfect”? Absolutely not!

In Isaiah 1:18. it reads:

Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

“…to have faith in Jesus Christ is not merely to believe that he is who he says he is, to believe in Christ. Sometimes, to have faith in Christ is also to believe Christ…To have faith in his identity is only half the process. To have faith in his ability, in his power to cleanse and to save, that is the other half. We must not only believe in Christ, we must believe Christ when he says, “I can cleanse you and make you celestial.” – Stephen Robinson

Matthew 11:28-30,

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

2 Nephi 4:17-19,

O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.

I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.

And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins.

2 Nephi 2:8:

There is no flesh that can dwell in the presence of God, save it be through the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah.

Many of us are trying to save ourselves, holding the Atonement of Jesus Christ at arm’s distance and saying, “When I’ve done it, when I’ve perfected myself, when I’ve made myself worthy, then I’ll be worthy of the Atonement. Then I will allow him in.” We cannot do it. That’s like saying, “When I am well, I’ll take the medicine. I’ll be worthy of it then.” That’s not how it was designed to work.

My Final Thoughts

The question really comes down to this: “How much do I believe the Atonement can and will work for me?”

I know what the Atonement is. I know who Jesus Christ is. I believe in Jesus Christ. But do I believe Jesus Christ? Do I believe that, after all I can do, He will and does pick up the slack? Do I believe that I don’t have to do it all myself? Do I believe that through the Atonement, through submitting my will to God and letting Him direct my path, that I will be enough?

I want to believe this. I think I believe this. Now what can I do to develop and strengthen this belief?

I can do what I’m doing now – read, study, pray, and “hunger and thirst after righteousness”. That’s all I can do. I then have to trust in God and His Son to pick up the slack from there.

I love this knowledge. I want to be my best self.

Hasta manana!

N

I’m not sure why it happened.

I haven’t been to the meeting for a while due to C’s basketball schedule. What I’d like to do is find a meeting I could go to in the middle of the day or at least a back up meeting for when I can’t go on Thursday nights.

I feel I’ve been stagnant for a while when it comes to progress with the program and 12 Steps. I did really well until about step 10 or step 9. Then I just stopped. Not sure it was for fear of the unknown, fear that I didn’t really want to give my complete will over to God, or what, but I haven’t been on my “A” game for a while in relation to study and progress.

So now what?

I’ve talked with the bishop a few times when I’ve had relapses. The truth is, I feel he doesn’t really understand how serious it is. Or maybe he does and he doesn’t want me to beat myself up about it. I don’t know.

I haven’t talked with B about the relapse yet. Not only do I hate the way it makes her feel, but I can see the disappointment in her eyes for multiple days after I announce my error.

I’ve been thinking a lot about talking with Dad about my issues. Yes, I’m scared to disappoint him too, but I feel we could talk about it and he would be someone I could confide in.

So what is relapse?

The dictionary defines it as “Suffer deterioration after a period of improvement.” At About.com it says this about relapse:

“In the context of addictive behaviors, a relapse occurs when the addict resumes his or her addictive behavior after a period of abstinence.”

“Relapse is a hallmark of addiction; it is common, even expected, that people who are attempting to overcome an addiction will go through one or even several relapses before successfully quitting.”

“Yet many people attempting to quit an addiction will feel they have failed if they relapse. They might abandon their efforts, feeling that quitting is too difficult for them.”

I’m confident that having a sponsor is a good idea to look into again. The tough thing for me is that I don’t know the people in the group as much recently.

I hope to be able to go to the meeting this week with a prayer to know who would be best to talk to about becoming a sponsor for me.

If I could have a perfect day, this is how it would work:

Morning Routine

• 6:00 a.m. – Wake up
• 6:05 – 6:35 a.m. – Do some form of exercise for 30 minutes
• 6:40 a.m. – Shower/shave for 15 minutes
• 7:00 – 7:45 a.m. – Read something spiritual: scriptures, Ensign, LDS.org, spiritual book for 30 minutes
  • Write in journal 15 minutes
• 7:45 – 8:00 a.m. – Pray/Meditate
• 8:00 a.m. – Help kids get ready
• 8:15 a.m. – Breakfast with family
• 8:30 a.m. – Start the work day

I’m not sure how I would manage my day to day schedule during the day since it can be a bit unscheduled.

I know on Tuesday and Thursdays from 12:00 – 3:30 p.m. I’m guaranteed to be here.

I know on Thursday mornings I always have a meeting at 7:30 a.m. – 9:00 a.m.

Sometimes on Thursdays I have a meeting with Karen from 10:00 – 12:00 ish.

I will be thinking about how I can better structure my day during the day.

Things I usually do during the day:

• Answer emails
• Contact new FS leads
• Work on MM work
• Process CO orders
• Create bids for FS leads
• Create bids for MM leads
• Contact new MM leads
• Read articles for MM

If I was to put these in order of most important to least important, they would probably go as follows:

1. Contact new FS leads
2. Create bids for new FS leads
3. Contact new MM leads
4. Create bids for new MM leads
5. Process CO orders
6. Work on MM projects
7. Answer emails
8. Read articles for MM

So, with that all mapped out, I can schedule my daily tasks accordingly by getting the most important things done first.

Evening Routine

• Monday
  • Madi has dance from 4:00 – 6:00
  • Becky has class from 5:00 – 7:00
  • I play basketball from 9:00 – 11:30ish
• Tuesday
  •  Madi has dance from 5:00 – 6:00
• Wednesday
• Thursday
  •  Meeting at 7:30
• Friday
  •  Becky has class from 5:30 – 7:00
• In Bed by 10:30 p.m.
• Read a little
• Lights out by 11:00 p.m.

I’m going to print off this section of my journal entry and have it somewhere where I can see it all the time.

Yes, I feel disappointed but I don’t feel the world is going to end.

That’s about all I’m going to say about the presidential stuff…

My days lately haven’t been as great as I’d like: I have some pent up resentment towards B, I’ve been more stressed about work for whatever reason, and I’ve felt more lonely than normal. I think ultimately I’ve been a bit more SELFISH too.

The talk I read today was by President Uchtdorf. He is becoming one of my favorite General Authorities: his talks always seem to hit home and be very direct answers to my day to day issues.

Here are some of the highlights I got from his talk:

…the older we get, the more we tend to look back and marvel at how short that road [of life] really is. We wonder how the years could have passed so quickly. And we begin to think about the choices we made and the things we have done. In the process, we remember many sweet moments that give warmth to our souls and joy to our hearts. But we also remember the regrets—the things we wish we could go back and change.

I remember in High School I wrote on my baseball hat “No Regrets!”. Can I feel this way now? Am I doing all I can do and being all I can be? Am I enjoying the journey of life, spending the best time with my family and those I love, and being happy and grateful for what I have been blessed with?

If I’ve felt to sing the song of redeeming love, can I feel so now?

A nurse who cares for the terminally ill says that she has often asked a simple question of her patients as they prepared to depart this life.

“Do you have any regrets?” she would ask.²

Being so close to that final day of mortality often gives clarity to thought and provides insight and perspective. So when these people were asked about their regrets, they opened their hearts. They reflected about what they would change if only they could turn back the clock.

As I considered what they had said, it struck me how the foundational principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ can affect our life’s direction for good, if only we will apply them. (bold added for emphasis)

This is true. This is right. This is simple!

It’s like Dad has shared with me:

The burdens of life are lighter and easier to bear, the enjoyments of life are greater and easier to appreciate, for those who believe in God and His Son, Jesus Christ, and try to keep Their commandments than for those who do not. – Dave M.

President Uchtdorf goes on to say:

There is nothing mysterious about the principles of the gospel. We have studied them in the scriptures, we have discussed them in Sunday School, and we have heard them from the pulpit many times. These divine principles and values are straightforward and clear; they are beautiful, profound, and powerful; and they can definitely help us to avoid future regrets.

The three main regrets the terminally ill shared were very straight forward:

1. I Wish I Had Spent More Time with the People I Love

2. I Wish I Had Lived Up to My Potential

3. I Wish I Had Let Myself Be Happier

President Uchtdorf challenges us to resolve to do (and become) the following:

• Resolve to spend more time with those we love.
• Resolve to strive more earnestly to become the person God wants us to be.
• Resolve to find happiness, regardless of our circumstances.

So how am I doing on these things?

I feel I do ok with the time – although I can be better at controlling my temper and having more patience with the kids when I do spend time with them. I also feel the time I spend with B can be more meaningful and well thought out. Can I schedule more creative dates? Can I be more giving of my time to her? Instead of zoning on the TV together, are there other more special things we can do together?

Living up to my potential – how am I doing with this?

I feel pretty good about my business potential. Sure, there is always more I can do, but I feel blessed to be where I am doing what I am doing. As far as spiritual potential I feel I can do the following better:

• Consistent study of the gospel – I do this sometimes but want to make it a daily habit that I can’t live without.
• Personal prayer – morning, evening, and throughout the day – I want to have a better ongoing relationship with my Heavenly Father.
• Working the steps of the program (ie. USING the Atonement every day) – I feel it’s time to have another sponsor or something, someone I can be accountable to, someone who is where I want to be with their progress in the steps of recovery. I’ll be thinking about this and looking for an opportunity to reach out to someone from the meeting.
• Increased patience and understanding – this is for both my wife, my kids, and others I work with and interact with. Ultimately this boils down to CHARITY. I need to pray for it, I need to seek it, and I need to have it in my life more. I feel charity will help me overcome my selfishness and self-centered mind set. I feel these qualities are what often lead me to relapse and regret.

From the talk:

One day we will take that unavoidable step and cross from this mortal sphere into the next estate. One day we will look back at our lives and wonder if we could have been better, made better decisions, or used our time more wisely.

To avoid some of the deepest regrets of life, it would be wise to make some resolutions today…

It is my testimony that many of the deepest regrets of tomorrow can be prevented by following the Savior today. If we have sinned or made mistakes—if we have made choices that we now regret—there is the precious gift of Christ’s Atonement, through which we can be forgiven. We cannot go back in time and change the past, but we can repent. The Savior can wipe away our tears of regret¹¹ and remove the burden of our sins.¹² His Atonement allows us to leave the past behind and move forward with clean hands, a pure heart,¹³ and a determination to do better and especially to become better.

I’m grateful to have read this article and written out my thoughts today.

I’m prayerful that I won’t have any regrets today – that I will live my life today how Heavenly Father would want me to live it – that I will do the things He would want me to do if He were here next to me.

I’m grateful for the blessings I’ve been given and I pray that I will never take them for granted.

Hasta manana!

Nate

At times like those I feel I sometimes try to justify and say, “Well, it wasn’t pornograhic really…” However, I did a bit of research and found this:

Some seek to justify their indulgence by arguing that they are only viewing “soft,” not “hard,” porn. A wise bishop called this refusing to see evil as evil. He quoted men seeking to justify their viewing choices by comparisons such as “not as bad as” or “only one bad scene.” But the test of what is evil is not its degree but its effect. When persons entertain evil thoughts long enough for the Spirit to withdraw, they lose their spiritual protection and they are subject to the power and direction of the evil one. When they use Internet or other pornography for what this bishop described as “arousal on demand” (letter of Mar. 13, 2005), they are deeply soiled by sin.

It’s crazy how Satan shoots fiery darts when I’m not ready for them. (see 1 Nephi 15:23-25)

Here are some assessments of why I wasn’t ready today:

1. I had had resentment toward B yesterday because I was trying to be helpful and she seemed to instantly bite my head off without even trying to hear me out.
2. Then, when it all did work out, she didn’t seem to be even appreciative – it became more of a “Well duh, you SHOULD be doing that…”
3. Because of that resentment, I was short-tempered with the kids when she got home.
4. I then did a bunch of work on the house to get things in order but again didn’t feel like it was something she really appreciated.
5. I ended up staying up and reading until 12:45 a.m.
6. I was then really tired this morning.
7. When I got online and went to FB, a friends FB account was open and his brother had liked images that were suggestive…
8. I browsed those images, knowing I shouldn’t go there but without the will power to stop or ask for help.
9. I ended up asking Heavenly Father for help before I went farther, but I still feel upset about even going there.
10. I’m now trying to write out my feelings so I can work through them and repent.

This seems to be the cycle of how my addiction works.

The Addiction Cycle for Me

Resentment >
Anger >
Tiredness >
Satan shoots his fiery darts >
I succumb to the temptations >
I sin >
I feel bad >
I try to repent

Reminds me of this famous “pride cycle”:

Image Credit: http://bit.ly/VBziZv

So how can I overcome this?

I feel it starts with talking to B about my resentment shortly after it happens, after I’ve calmed down a bit, so I don’t allow this resentment to fester in my mind and lead me to anger and then other things.

I want to recognize this pattern before I get to the place where I’m prone to be “shot at” by Satan’s fiery darts.

When I recognize the pattern I want to submit my will to God by saying a prayer, looking for answers and guidance in the scriptures, and doing something where I feel temptation won’t be there.

I want to GO TO BED EARLIER! This has been a recurring theme too. When I’m tired I’m more of a moving target for Satan. He knows my guard is down; he knows I do things when I’m tired that I wouldn’t do otherwise.

I feel good about writing this stuff down.

I feel like I caught myself in the pattern before it was way too late.

Yes, I feel like what happened this morning wasn’t good for me or my spirit; but I feel it could have (and has in the past) got a lot worse.

This experience reminds me of the step, “When you are wrong, promptly admit it…”

John 3:16: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

Isa. 1:18: “Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.”

Here’s to a better, more productive day.

Nate

What are your thoughts on this process?

One of the things I love most about this article is what it says about the “plain and precious truths of the Gospel of Jesus Christ that have been restored”:

…expressing the gratitude that I felt in my heart for the knowledge of this and so many other plain and precious truths of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.

This causes me to ask myself the question:

• Do people like Mandy recognize the plain and precious truths they have left if and when they leave the Church?
• Or are they so deceived that they don’t even realize what they’ve lost?

I’m not sure if asking these questions is really something that will help me or not, but hopefully it at least reminds me of what I have and what I need to be grateful for.

The Plain and Precious Truths of the Gospel of Jesus Christ

I think I’ll write down some of theplain and precious truths I currently recognize about the LDS Church doctrine:

• God is our Father
• His Son, Jesus Christ, is our Savior and Redeemer and mediator with the Father
• The Holy Ghost testifies of God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ
• They are one in purpose but three separate beings
• Christ established His Church in his time with three main pillars: apostles, priesthood, and revelation
• That same Church and establishment has been restored to the earth today
• We have a living prophet who leads and guides this Church through prophecy, revelation and priesthood power
• Through the priesthood, we perform sacred ordinances and blessings like baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, temple ordinances, and blessings of comfort and for sickness
• The priesthood is the power to act in God’s name and perform His work on the earth
• Heavenly Father has revealed another testament of Jesus Christ that works with the Bible to help us come unto Christ. It’s called the Book of Mormon
• The Book of Mormon is a compilation of writings of prophets that lived in the Americas between 600 B.C. and 400 A.D.
• They wrote down their experiences, both temporal and spiritual, on golden plates
• The Book of Mormon is the word of God. It works together with the Bible to clarify doctrines and help us follow the teachings of Jesus Christ
• The Book of Mormon teaches the Gospel in a clear and concise way in order to avoid confusion and misinterpretation
• The Holy Ghost will and does testify of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon, and all other scriptures, if and when we seek for its influence in our lives
• Through modern-day revelation, we continue to receive guidance from Heavenly Father via His apostles and prophets and also via personal revelation
• Baptism is a saving ordinance that can be performed for those who have faith and repent when they are accountable (8 years old or older)
• Through the sealing power of the priesthood, we believe a family can be sealed together forever and not just until “death do [we] part”
• We lived before we came to this earth in pre-mortal life. There we chose the Plan of Happiness, Christ’s plan, where we would come to earth, receive a body, and be given free agency to choose who we would follow
• This life is a time to prepare to meet God
• The choices we make in this life will effect how comfortable we feel in the presence of God when we return to Him after this life
• After this life we will go to the Spirit World. We will eventually all be resurrected and be judged according to the desires of our hearts and the things we did in this life
• Because of missionary work, all people will have the chance to accept the Gospel of Jesus Christ, either in this life or in the life hereafter
• Through the grace of our Father in Heaven, ALL people will receive immortality – overcoming physical death and living forever
• Because of the laws of justice and mercy, we will be held accountable for the things we do in this life, both good and bad
• Christ will be our advocate with the Father: he’s already paid the price for our sins and imperfections; we can repent and come unto Him and we will be forgiven
• Repentance is a gift from God and allows us to put off the natural man and become more like Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father
• Through direction from Heavenly Father, Christ created the earth and everything on it

I’m sure there are many other plain and precious truths that I’m leaving out, but this is what came to mind.

I’m grateful for the talk I read today. I want to share it with John and Mimi, who recently lost their 4 year old daughter.

I’m grateful to know the Plan of Happiness. I hope that I will always be looking to Him and following His teachings in my life.

Hasta manana!

N

I feel this section is the most touching of the entire talk (at least what I’ve read so far):

Recognizing that this was likely the first time our young son had felt the influence of the Holy Ghost in such a powerful way, I knelt down on the floor next to him. While other visitors stepped around us, Ben and I spent several minutes, side by side, learning about the Holy Ghost together. I was amazed at the ease with which we were able to discuss his sacred feelings. As we talked, it became clear that what was most inspiring to Ben was not what he saw but what he felt—not the physical beauty around us but the still, small voice of the Spirit of God within his heart. I shared with him what I had learned from my own experiences, even as his childlike wonder reawakened in me a deep sense of gratitude for this unspeakable gift from God—the gift of the Holy Ghost.²

Not only do I like this because I’m sure C has felt it before too, but I also like how he says it wasn’t what the little boy saw but what he felt. In family home evening last night we talked about this too - about being true to ourselves and how this makes us feel peace inside. B talked about how impressed she has been with C’s improvement in school and how she can see that he’s trying hard to be true to who he really is – a child of God.

On Sunday he gave a talk about how he’s preparing for baptism. The coolest thing was that HE wrote it. I helped him get it all together but he told me what he’s doing to get ready for baptism.

We invited Ray and Amy and also Mandy to come. We went 2 for 3 with Amy and Mandy both coming. Mandy later told us she almost started crying when she heard him talk about being true since she knew he’d been working on that. Hopefully it rang true to her as well since we all know and feel that this is something she’s having a hard time with, possibly without even realizing it.

…the Holy Ghost is a personage of spirit who communicates to our spirits through feelings and impressions.⁵

I remember having lots of these “impressions” when I was dating B. I remember feeling like I should do things, which, after the fact, turned out to be really good ideas that led to our marriage.

One thing I want to be sure of is that I’m worthy of that spirit now, on a day to day, minute to minute basis. I felt like this morning wasn’t the best use of my time. I saw one funny Youtube video, which led to another and then another. It seemed as I kept watching more and more videos came that weren’t the best. I eventually stopped watching but know that none of that time was used to invite the Spirit into my life.

The primary purpose of the Holy Ghost is to bear witness of God the Father and of His Son, Jesus Christ,⁷ and to teach us the truth of all things.⁸ A sure witness from the Holy Ghost carries far more certainty than a witness from any other source.

I like this section too: I’ve heard Mandy talk about “proof” that the scriptures are true. “Evidence” is what Luke seemed to ask me as well – examples that solidified my faith and conviction. The biggest “evidence” I’ve had about the truthfulness of the Gospel is through the Holy Ghost testifying to me, through feelings in my heart, that what I’m reading and teaching is true. No one can deny or dispute that. They CAN, however, deny, dispute, and argue tangible evidence, even if we all think it’s legitimate. I mean, look at the Jews – they had evidence right in front of them that Jesus was the Savior but they denied Him anyway and most still do to this day.

President Joseph Fielding Smith taught that “the Spirit of God speaking to the spirit of man has power to impart truth with greater effect and understanding than the truth can be imparted by personal contact even with heavenly beings.”⁹

The other day, when I was going to study this talk, I felt inspired to write down what I’d felt at Lorriane Morgan’s funeral. This quote is a testimony to me that what I was feeling was the Holy Ghost as a comforter:

The Holy Ghost is also known as the Comforter.¹⁰ During times of trouble or despair or simply when we need to know that God is near, the Holy Ghost can lift our spirits, give us hope, and teach us “the peaceable things of the kingdom,”¹¹ helping us feel “the peace of God, which passeth all understanding.”¹²

I feel this quote is the one that scares other religions the most about what we teach:

The Holy Ghost is a teacher and a revelator.¹³ As we study, ponder, and pray about gospel truths, the Holy Ghost enlightens our minds and quickens our understanding.¹⁴ He causes the truth to be indelibly written in our souls and can cause a mighty change to occur in our hearts. As we share these truths with our families, with fellow members of the Church, and with friends and neighbors in our community, the Holy Ghost becomes their teacher as well, for He carries the message of the gospel “unto the hearts of the children of men.”¹⁵

In fact, it seems I’ve heard Mandy even say that they warned her about what we’ll have her do and how she may feel something, but that that isn’t factual evidence…or something like that. Isn’t it ironic that prayer and pondering aren’t things they rely on to find truth? After a bit of research, here’s a perfect example of what I mean:

Since Mormonism is not based on true facts, then they have to appeal to “feelings.” It is one of their most effective tactics. Here are some examples from the above-mentioned book.

“Mr. & Mrs. Brown (the sample name they used for the person they are talking to), what you are FEELING right now is the Spirit of the Lord TESTIFYING to you that we are teaching you the truth. You are beginning to receive your own testimony of the truthfulness of this message.”

“I’m sure you have a reason for FEELING that way, Mr. Brown. Would you mind sharing it (FEELING) with us?”

“Do you FEEL we do not need divine guidance today?”

When the missionaries give their testimony as to why they became Mormons, feeling will be the most important ingredient.

Since the LDS Church doesn’t want people to think, it has to get them to believe that you can determine truth, not by reasoning and investigating, but by this un-described “feeling.” If you buy into this idea of determining things by “feeling,” then you have bought into Mormons!

Back to the talk about the power of the Holy Ghost:

For me, the most vivid examples of heeding the promptings of the Holy Ghost in the service of others come from the life and ministry of President Thomas S. Monson, who said: “In the performance of our responsibilities, I have learned that when we heed a silent prompting and act upon it without delay, our Heavenly Father will guide our footsteps and bless our lives and the lives of others. I know of no experience more sweet or feeling more precious than to heed a prompting only to discover that the Lord has answered another person’s prayer through you.”¹⁶

How Does the Holy Ghost Speak to Us?

We all have experiences with the Holy Ghost, even though we may not always recognize them. As inspired thoughts come into our minds, we know them to be true by the spiritual feelings that enter into our hearts. President Boyd K. Packer has taught: “The Holy Ghost speaks with a voice that you feel more than you hear. … While we speak of ‘listening’ to the whisperings of the Spirit, most often one describes a spiritual prompting by saying, ‘I had a feeling … ’.”¹⁸ It is through these sacred feelings from the Holy Ghost that we come to know what God would have us do, for this, as stated in scripture, “is the spirit of revelation.”¹⁹

As I reflect back on my experience with Ben in the Bountiful Utah Temple, I have many sweet feelings and impressions. One clear recollection is that while I was absorbed in the grandeur of what I could see, a small child near my side was recognizing the powerful feelings in his heart. With a gentle reminder, I was invited not only to pause and kneel down but also to heed the Savior’s call to become as a little child—humble, meek, and ready to hear the still, small voice of His Spirit.

I’ve felt this feeling. I know that God speaks to His children through the power of the Holy Ghost. I know that the gift of the Holy Ghost can be with me at all times as I keep myself worthy.

I know that through the power of the Holy Ghost, I can teach my children, I can help them recognize truth, and I can be guided in all my decisions – both temporal and spiritual.

I’m grateful for the time I made today to study and stick with my 6 month plan.

Hasta luego!

N

I felt so much from the talks and tributes given by all of her kids. Here’s a quick summary:

Roger: told about how his mom always made them lunch every day – she didn’t have to, she just valued being close to her kids. I loved Roger’s talk about how his mom was so loving and always there for all the kids. He told a funny “beer and pretzels story” that showed how much Lorraine wanted to take care of her children and teach them at the same time.

Kricket: talked about how her mom’s motto, one of them, was “People are more important than things.” This really hit me because I feel sometimes B and I focus too much on the things our kids DO instead of the people they are and how we can help them become who Heavenly Father wants them to become. (I just had the feeling that B and I should pray about who He wants our kids to become – maybe even take this prayer to the temple…) She compared her mom’s love to how Christ loved the people and didn’t want to leave them. I imagine that Lorraine’s love for people was very similar to Christ’s lover for all of us.

Lori: she talked about how, a few years ago, her son got in an accident as a sophomore and was really worried about how this would effect his chances to play college football. Lorraine had told him then that “maybe playing college ball isn’t part of the plan Heavenly Father has for you…” This really made me cry since I feel that’s exactly the situation I was in as a sophomore in high school – goals to play college baseball but Heavenly Father had different (and better) plans for me. Lori also talked about how her mom was a numbers person and how her daughter (or son) was born on 7.8.09 – go figure, Ch’s b-day too. She also said how ironic it was that Lorraine passed away on 10.11.12. I loved listening to Lori and remember calling her “Gorgeous” as a kid.

Cindy: she wrote a letter to her mom thanking her for all the wonderful attributes she’d seen in her. She had got in the habit of emailing her mom a lot while Lynn and Lorraine were serving 4 full-time missions so she thought this would be appropriate. Lorraine was always a phone call away to answer questions, provide encouragement, and validate her feelings.

Mike: he told a sweet story of a boy that, when listening to a preacher talk about how Christ had to carry his own cross, said he would have helped Christ carry it. The preacher told the boy that they would have beat him too – he said, “I would have still helped him.” The preacher then went around thanking the people for coming and when he touched the boy on the shoulder, the boy winced in pain. The preacher discovered that the boy had been beaten. When he asked the boy why, the boy replied that his mom threatened to beat him if she caught him going to the church again. Mike said his mom was similar to the boy: willing to help carry other’s crosses and get them through tough times. I know Mike had some tough times growing up and I’m sure his mom was there to help him “carry his cross”. Mike’s an amazing guy.

Bryce: Bryce talked about visiting his parents on their missions. He talked about how his mom’s love for the people, even though she didn’t speak their language, just permeated a room and the people loved her and she loved them unconditionally. Bryce said he got to spend a lot of time with them when they were on a mission in Pocatello, which he really enjoyed. I was surprised at how strong Bryce was in sharing his thoughts.

Sherri: “Mom made everyone feel like they were her favorite.” Even Barney, her husband, would debate that HE was her favorite Sherri shared a lot of great things about how her mom was an example and how she’d tried to implement those things in her own life.

Harold: Lorraine helped him be introduced to the greatest gift in his life – the gospel of Jesus Christ. Lorraine was always there to encourage him and help him build confidence that yes, he COULD do it (whatever it was). It’s amazing to know that Harold was adopted into their family yet he considers Lorraine his mom forever. This was a special talk.

What I Remember About Lorraine

As I type this stuff, tears come to my eyes. Lorraine was a second mom to me. I spent hours and hours at her house, with her family, under her tutelage. I always remember her saying “Return with Honor” and “Remember who you are”. I remember how organized she was with her day care. I remember how she always seemed to have a smile on her face. She was an amazing person and definitely has “returned with honor” because she knew and remembered who she was.

As the title of this post states, most of the LDS funerals I’ve been to give me hope. Lorraine’s funeral was more like a tribute instead of a mournful event. Sure, we will all miss her and we love her; but we know we will see her again and we know that she has a work to do on the other side of the veil. I’m grateful for the plan of happiness. I’m grateful to know the Morgan family and to be such close friends with them. Each of their kids, and Lynn and Lorraine too, are such a great example to me of how I want my family to be. They love each other; they serve each other; and they are always trying to be their best.

I love the gospel and the hope it gives me.

I loved attending this funeral and for the many memories I’ll have forever thanks to Lorraine and her family.