I say “almost” because there are always things that could have been better, but not too much.
Things I’m Grateful for Today
- Got to go to the BYU Game and a fun dinner date with Becky
- Talked about a few of my resentments toward her in a tactful way – felt it went well (making amends)
- The Cougars Won 24-21 against San Diego State!
- The Yankees Won too to finish off the first round of the playoffs with a sweep of the Twins
- Had a great morning cleaning the yard and garden with the family
- Got to take a little nap – always nice on a Saturday
- Had fun playing with the kids
- Cleaned up the garage & fixed my bike tire
Before I answered a question tonight from Step 8, I decided to re-read this step. A few parts seemed to stick out to me tonight and I wanted to share them:
Next to the names of the people we needed to forgive, we recorded the way we originally felt when the hurtful incidents happened and what we were still tempted to feel…we have learned that by making a thorough inventory of our resentments and acknowledging them to the Savior, we finally ceased to be victims of those who hurt us…You are willing to give up judging anyone unrighteously and to stop taking inventory of others’ lives and faults.
This section reminds me so much of the Step 4 Template that Jason shared with me. Resentments, what I did to get the ball rolling – these are the core addictions that I’m working on overcoming!
I really like this Action Step too:
Think of someone for whom you have had hard feelings. For two weeks, deliberately kneel and pray for him or her each day. Keep a record of changes in your thoughts and feelings about that person.
Although I haven’t done this specifically yet, I feel like my relationship with Dane is changing as I’m striving to diligently work the steps and have the Spirit with me. I’ve felt a direct correlation with the way things are at work to the way I’m handling my addictions to pride, resentment, lust, etc.
I also appreciated the email I received from Jason tonight:
Great job staying consistent and improving your goals. Keep it up and remember that its not all these things that keep you sober, it is your relationship with Christ. We do these things consistently and answer the questions only in efforts to come unto Christ.
This is a great reminder. I’m not answering the questions or studying to “please” someone else or because I feel competitive or anything like that. I’m studying and answering questions because I know it’s God’s will for me. I know that, as I put these tasks at high priority in my life, all other things will fall in to place and my relationship with the Savior will increase!
The Lord’s perfect love
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
“We love [God], because he first loved us” (1 John 4:18–19).
The idea of making amends can be frightening if you focus on doing it perfectly. How can your trust in the Lord’s perfect love for you and for the person from whom you seek forgiveness strengthen your resolve to make restitution wherever possible?
Resentment and fear do not come from the Lord. In fact, those are two of the core addictions that lead to me acting out. At this point, I don’t feel too much fear about reaching out to others to make amends. In some cases, I’m not sure how I’ll explain why I’m doing this now, but I feel my efforts will do good for all involved, including myself.
I think I understand how important it is to put my complete trust in the Lord as I move forward with Step 8 and Step 9. There may be some cases where it’s best to just leave things alone – there may be others where I’m nervous and try to justify NOT talking to the person, when in actuality it’s a step I really need to take to make full amends.
I feel, as I continue to work to humble myself and trust in God’s will, things will work out. I remember how nervous I was to do step’s 4 and 5, but as I look back, I feel they were KEY in the progress of recovery from addictive behavoirs.
I look forward to studying more about charity and perfect love tomorrow!