I had a good meeting this morning with Jason. We talked about the progress made on Step 8, talked about resentments, and began discussing a few of the “how’s” of Step 9.
Some things that I’ve really been grateful for:
- That Jason taught me the Step 4 process the way he did, focusing on Resentments and Fears FIRST before going in to Sexual and Other Harms done
- I feel some of the questions in Steps 7 and 8 wouldn’t be as clear without understanding that my CORE addiction is pride in the form of resentments, comparing myself to others, fear, competitiveness, etc.
- I’m grateful to have a sponsor who has been there and understands where I’m coming from
- I’m grateful for the Atonement, which I feel is helping me change my attitude at work
- I’m grateful for the people I work with
- I’m grateful for my family: grateful for what Becky told me last night about how her mom is impressed with how much I help out around the house.
- Just the fact that she recognized it made me feel really appreciated.
- I’m grateful to have had a good study last night, both in the program and in the Beware of Pride talk
- I’m grateful I started making a list of To-Do’s today based on what I feel God would have me do (this being the first priority)
Step 8 – Breaking the Cycle of Bitterness and Offense
“Nothing is so much calculated to lead people to forsake sin as to take them by the hand, and watch over them with tenderness. When persons manifest the least kindness and love to me, O what power it has over my mind, while the opposite course has a tendency to harrow up all the harsh feelings and depress the human mind” (Joseph Smith, in History of the Church, 5:23–24).
The Prophet Joseph Smith described how kindness can lead to repentance and forgiveness. Ponder and write about your willingness to be the one who breaks the cycle of bitterness and offense.
Being willing to break the cycle of bitterness and offense…One of the things I’ve thought about lately is that I don’t know that I really have too many bitter feelings or offense currently. As I talked with Jason about this today, I noticed that, even if I felt something was done that was offensive to me, I was able to see “how I got the ball rolling” based on the Step 4 format.
In each case that I’ve looked over, there was always something I could have done differently. I feel like recognizing what I’ve done to get the ball rolling is one way I’m “breaking the cycle” of bitterness and offense: I can see ways I can improve and look at myself before I “cast the first stone” at others who may have done something to hurt my feelings, make me mad, or whatever.
One thing I feel really good about right now is my improved relationship with Dane. I feel being willing to work through things and not compare myself to him or put my will against his has been the best. I’ve also tried to put myself in his shoes; by doing this I’ve realized that he’s really in a tough spot, right in the middle of two sides that see things completely differently in most situations. The best thing I can do is be supportive and find ways to meet in the middle as much as I can.
I’m prepared to look over my Inventory again and think about what I’m going to ask forgiveness for, how I’m going to approach each person, and my willingness to do so. I’m also prepared, I feel, to make amends to each person on my list, no matter how hard it may seem at first.
I may work on another question later.