Last night I confessed to my bishop my addiction and all that, but I really confessed and felt bad about being so secretive and dishonest. I have covered up, minimized, and pretended I was alright for many years. I wanted to go into the bishops office and unload all this heavy burden of lies and secrecy I’ve been carrying.
He was extremely understanding. He’s dealt with addicts for a long time. At work he helped his company track down people who access porngraphy at work. He is pretty good. I had several fears. For years I minimized my addiction before bishops for fear that they’d release me, take my temple recommend from me, or keep me from partaking of the sacrament. That was prideful. I cared more about what others may think than about my repentance. This time I told to myself: “I don’t care what comes to me; I’ll be honest and explain everything with the truth.” And so I did. It was relieving. I am getting together with Abinadi, a recovering addict, to read my inventory. I feel pretty good. I am not craving free, or weaknesses free, but I trust that God will manifest his will to me. Once I know his will, I have a fighting chance.
Nate, when could we talk? I’ve called you a couple of times, but it seems that I’ve called at the wrong time.