Day 24 – 12.17.14
The Lord extends the same invitation: “I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me” (Revelation 3:20).
How does this invitation from the Lord apply to step 3?
He’s waiting to help me. He’s there. All I need to do is be willing to open the door and let Him in and He will help me with whatever I need – my addiction recovery, temporal things. I need to demonstrate my faith and willingness and then do the best I can.
Does His loving invitation encourage you to take this step of faith and trust?
Yes, I feel really good about taking this step and honestly want to do my best with it. I want to learn how to submit my will to God in ALL things, not just my addictions.
Can you believe and trust that this is an offer to be supported in your abstinence and in going through the 12 step process to a successful conclusion?
Yes, I believe this 100%. I believe that this is really the ONLY way to fully recovery from addiction. As I’ve read the Big Book before, alcoholics have had to do the same thing – submit to a higher power. I’m grateful for this understanding and I want to do my best.
Is this desirable to you? Describe your feelings as you consider His offer to you.
It is desirable, yes. The offer seems so clear and straight forward. My challenge is mostly inward – I need to believe it and practice it and not give up hope or courage. I feel like I’ve been trying to practice this step now for 313 days. I feel I just need to continue to take things one day at time and believe that He wants me to succeed.
At first our efforts were anxious and halting. We kept giving the Lord our trust and then taking it back. We worried that He would be displeased at our inconsistency and withdraw His support and love from us. But He didn’t.
How does it feel as you consider this to be a progressive process rather than a moment of entering into perfection?
I think it feels pretty good. I have to continue to remember that it’s just one day at a time. I don’t want to think about the long-term process as much – just today, right now, and how I can be my best self and submit to Him.
This afternoon has been tough on my patience – I’m not sure why. I don’t like the feeling I have when I’m frustrated or upset. Even though I’m not acting out in my pornography addiction, I don’t feel close to Heavenly Father.
Do you feel this entitles you to more acting out in your addiction? Are you ready and willing to give the Lord your very best effort, and your heart?
No, I don’t feel entitled to act out more. And yes, I’m ready and willing to give the Lord my very best efforts and my heart. I want to be clean; I want to be free from my addictions; I want to live close to Him.
Gradually we allowed the Lord to demonstrate His healing power and the safety of following His way. Eventually each of us realized that we not only had to give up our addictions, but we also had to turn our entire will and life over to God. As we did so, we found Him patient and accepting of our faltering efforts to surrender to Him in all things.
“Faith precedes the miracle.” How does this apply to your step 3 decision and recovery process?
Step 3 definitely requires a lot of faith. I feel I’ve tried to exercise my faith thus far. But every day is a new day in recovery and submission. I feel Satan works on me sometimes to doubt myself or what I’m trying to do. I am glad to be aware of this and want to completely surrender over to Him. I know the miracles will only happen, or continue to happen, in my life as I exercise my faith.
“Faith without works is dead.” How does this apply to your step 3 decision and recovery process?
I think this is where submitting my will over to God is a bit confusing for me. I want to submit but I know I also have to do things – I can’t just sit back and wait for Him to completely do things for me – that’s Satan’s plan. I listened to President Uchtdorf’s talk today about finding light and he talked about that very thing. I’m grateful that I want to go to work and do whatever I can to show God I’m willing to submit to Him.
Forsaking our addictions “in our hearts,” is a very important “starting place.” How do you feel about this?
I feel really good about where my heart is, especially in recovery from my addiction to pornography and lust. I don’t feel I have desires to go there, at least today. Patience with my kids, on the other hand, seems to be lacking today, or at least tonight.
Are you ready to trust the Lord enough to do this, that you may receive the promised blessings? Describe your feelings about being ready.
I feel really ready. I feel willing. I feel able. I feel this is what I’ve been doing now for 313 days in recovery. However, I don’t want to get cocky or over-confident. Instead, I want to be humble and submissive and do my best one day at a time.
Does our Heavenly Father’s perfection and love feel inviting to you? Describe how.
I think so, yes. I do feel He loves me. I do feel He wants what’s best for me. I don’t know if I understand what his perfection means. I’m grateful He is all-knowing and that if I put my trust in Him, I will be guided and directed.
Does His patience and long-suffering make it feel safer to turn to Him in your imperfection and weakness? Describe how.
I think so, yes. I know He’s really patient. If He wasn’t, I would be long gone. I want to overcome my imperfections and weaknesses and know that only in and through He and His Son can this happen. I won’t be perfect in this life but I can become perfect through Christ who strengthens me.
How does the Savior’s infinite Atonement increase your hope for repentance and healing as you go through the recovery process?
I feel good about my repentance process and where I am today in my recovery from addiction. I look forward to using the Atonement in my life one moment at a time. I don’t know that I completely understand the entire Atonement and how it all works, but I want to learn more and am willing to do all I can to use His Atonement today and always.
How does this apply to other aspects of your life? How is this comforting and reassuring to you?
Well, in regard to today, I feel the Atonement can and will be able to help me with my patience with my kids. I feel I came home from a busy day and am tired, hungry and overwhelmed with things to do. The kids being crazy and having company here, then having the kids flat out tell me they weren’t going to do what I asked – this was a big trail of my patience and imperfections.
I know that the Atonement is helping me with my addictions to pornography, lust and masturbation. I want to have the confidence, awareness, and faith necessary to use the Atonement in ALL aspects of my life, not just my addiction recovery.
One day at a time!