Today is actually Day 49 and I just submitted my step work. Last night Becky and I went on a date with Ray and Amy to Culver’s in Spanish and then back to their house to hang out. It was fun to talk with them and just relax.
Ray talked about the church some as our conversation shifted to talking about Mandy a bit. He said he basically agrees with everything the Church teaches but is a “Mormon on injured reserve.” It was good to talk with him and understand better his perspective.
Ray and Amy are some of, if not, our best friends. I’m grateful to know them and feel so close to them.
Day 48 was a hard day. Becky has been emotional lately and hasn’t really shared why until last night in an email, which was helpful. But all day she was really distant and I felt bad about things.
We did do Saturday box chores and that went well. Then I went into our room and read from the book “Daring Greatly” and then took a nap. I think part of me was hoping she’d come take a nap too – no expectations, but I was hoping we could talk things out. She instead stayed out on the computer working on her site for BYU and also writing in her journal, which she later shared with me.
She’s scared of what’s going to happen with the baby: will he be ok, will she be ok, will I be ok? These are all good questions and concerns, but all we can do is have faith and trust in God.
She shared that she’s afraid that after she has the baby, that I won’t feel bad for her anymore and I will leave.
She shared that she’s afraid of how she’ll handle things once the baby comes.
I am choosing to submit my will to God today. I’m choosing today to be more patient with the kids. I’m choosing today to work on my recovery. I’m choosing today to study more in the scriptures and words of the prophets.
I want to be who Heavenly Father wants me to be. I want to honor my temple covenants and never cause pain or sorrow or fear in my family again.
When I went to LDS.org to look for topics to study, the first thing I found was this:
I’m grateful the Church is so aware of what’s out there and what I can do to help myself and my family. Here are some of the scriptures and articles it shared:
Genesis 39:7–12 (Joseph resists the advances of Potiphar’s wife)
1 Corinthians 10:13 (There is always a way to escape giving in to temptation)
Thomas S. Monson, “Dare to Stand Alone,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2011, 60–67
Linda S. Reeves, “Protection from Pornography—a Christ-Focused Home,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2014, 15–17
Randall L. Ridd, “The Choice Generation,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2014, 56–58
Video: “To Look Upon”
Jeffrey R. Holland, “With So Many Bad Things around, How Can I Keep Good Thoughts in My Mind?” Friend, Nov. 2012, 6
“Crash and Tell,” Friend, June 2011, 8–10
“Leaving Bad Behind,” Friend, Aug. 2012, 6–7
“If the Savior Stood beside Me,” New Era, Aug. 2007, 8–10
Neill F. Marriott, “Pure Hearts and Clean Bodies,” New Era, Mar. 2014, 28–29
A Parent’s Guide (teaching intimacy to children, 1985)
I’m going to make it a point this week to study each of these scriptures and articles as a way to show Heavenly Father that I’m willing to submit my will to Him.
I’ll start today with Genesis 39:7–12.
7 ¶And it came to pass after these things, that his master’s wife cast her aeyes upon Joseph; and she said, Lie with me.
10 And it came to pass, as she spake to Joseph aday by day, that he hearkened not unto her, to lie by her, or to be with her.
11 And it came to pass about this time, that Joseph went into the house to do his business; and there was none of the men of the house there within.
12 And she caught him by his garment, saying, Lie with me: and he left his garment in her hand, and afled, and got him out.
The article proposes these questions:
Why did Joseph run away?
Joseph ran away because he knew the danger he was in. He also knew the consequences he would go through and cause others to go through if he stayed in the house with Potiphar’s wife.
He also understood the commandments and how they were there to protect him and everyone else. The natural man is an enemy to God, but the spiritual man sees with different lenses. Joseph was aware of his surroundings and the intentions of his master’s wife and he wanted no part of this.
How can we run away when we come across pornographic material while watching or reading something?
First, I can be aware of where I am, what I am reading, and the dangers that could be there. Second, if I am in a dangerous place, I can get out, ask for companionship, or just stay away completely. If I come across something that is inappropriate, even if it’s not “pornographic” per se, I need to flee from it, not entertain it, and not look back.
I think there are a lot of principles in this story to be aware of:
- Casting her eyes: this is lust, this is looking at others below the chin, this is committing adultery in the mind. This is how sexual sin generally starts.
- He refused: this is essential; he already had his mind made up. He was true to his covenants and knew what he was going to say or do in the moment of temptation. He submitted his will to God immediately.
- He told her he would be sinning against God and against his master: Joseph knew WHY he shouldn’t do what she was asking. His no wasn’t just because it was something he knew he wasn’t supposed to do – he also knew WHY. He was also showing respect for his master and the trust he had given him.
- She didn’t just ask once: she spake unto him day by day. He had to always be aware. Just like addiction, it doesn’t just go away. I have to always be aware of where I am, what’s around me, and what my intentions are.
- He fled: he was alone with her in the house and she came on to him. But instead of entertaining the idea, he fled and got him out. He didn’t look back.
To not look back reminds me of the story in the Bible about not looking back. And those that looked back were killed.
The article also shares this information:
Invite your family to think of all the places they might encounter sexualized media. For example, they might encounter pornographic material in television shows, movies, books, magazines, music, video games, text messages, or on the Internet, mobile apps, and tablets. Discuss how they can protect themselves while using these resources. Discuss ways to respond if they accidentally encounter pornography. What questions do they have about responding to bad media?
This is really good information. It’s so important to be aware of what’s out there and talk to the kids about what they can do when they come across it.
I’m grateful for the plans we can create as a family to help us “run from sin” as Joseph did.
I’m grateful for the desires I have today to be kinder to my kids, to love them, and to serve them.
I’m grateful that Becky and I feel more connected today.
I love her so much and never want to hurt her again.
I’m grateful we can be honest to one another without getting angry or defensive.
I’m grateful to be working on recovery together.
I’m grateful to want to live in recovery today.
I’m grateful that Heavenly Father is there to help me if and when I turn to Him.