Day 86 – Step Work
If you were like us, before you began to recover you thought hope, joy, peace, and fulfillment would come from an earthly source. Whether this source was alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, dishonest spending, unhealthy eating, or codependency—whatever your particular addiction was—your effort was to get by in a world where you felt confused, lost, and alone. When others tried to love you, perhaps you couldn’t feel it. Their love was never enough. Nothing satisfied the hunger you felt. As you have lived the principles of recovery, however, your heart and life have changed.
Have your needs become more consistently met through spiritual means rather than earthly means? Describe how.
Yes! I feel so much different today than when I was in my addiction. When I was in my addiction I was always mad, easily angered, and frustrated. I rarely if ever felt peace and hope in my life.
Today is so much different. Today I’m happy. Today I’m hopeful. Today I still get angry but I try to recognize why and then submit my will to God and talk things through with Becky.
I’m grateful for these feelings and never want to feel the way I felt before again: I know if I get back to that arena it could be the cause of losing everything that’s most precious to me.
What areas still give you the most trouble?
I feel I would still like to study the scriptures better. During my step work, I’ve mostly made the time to study the steps and work on them. I want to be better at studying the scriptures, finding answers, and applying them to my life more.
I’d also like to be better and personal prayers – a better conversation with God.
Will you apply what you’ve learned in the steps to these challenges, as well?
You have begun to understand and appreciate your need for the Savior, Jesus Christ, and His role in your life and to treasure the Light of Christ. You have begun to realize you are not just talking to yourself when you feel your conscience guide you. Clumsy and unpracticed as you may have felt initially, you now pray to the Father in the name of Christ for a closer relationship with Him. You deliberately “seek this Jesus of whom the prophets and apostles have written” (Ether 12:41).
How has your relationship with your Heavenly Father changed?
I think it’s changed so much. I feel like I do converse with Him more now. I feel that when I ask for His help in the moment of temptation, He really is hearing me and helping me escape the addictive chains.
Like anything, I want to improve on this. I want to be closer to Him. I want to feel that I’m doing the best I can. I feel close to this but am concerned that sometimes I expect too much from myself.
What is the Savior’s role in your recovery and life now?
Well, I know He paid the price for all my sins. I know He is my advocate with the Father. At times it’s a little confusing because I’m actually praying to the Father in the name of Christ, so I’m not always sure what the Saviors role is or how I can form a relationship with Him. I think He and the Father work closely together, but I don’t know how exactly.
Will you continue to strive to know Them better?
You study the scriptures because they testify of Him in every instance, especially the Book of Mormon. In testimony after testimony, the prophets of the Book of Mormon describe seeking and finding a better understanding of the Father through the Holy Ghost. You have experimented on the scriptures and found them to be true. Prayer and meditation have become the lifeblood of your new life. Where prayer and meditation used to be a neglected duty, your heart’s desire is now to kneel before your Father at least morning and evening and pour out your heart to Him in gratitude for Jesus Christ and for the Holy Ghost.
How have you gained a deeper appreciation for the Gift of the Holy Ghost?
I definitely recognize this gift more now. I get feelings in my work that I know aren’t just by chance; I get feelings to apologize to my kids right after something has happened. I’m grateful for these feelings and want to recognize the gift of the Holy Ghost more and more in my life.
How has your scripture study changed and or improved?
It’s been ok, but I want to improve more. I’ve made time to work on step work, but haven’t always had enough time to study the scriptures too. I want to do this; I need to do this. I’m going to do this more and know I will feel better by doing so.
How often do you “ponder” the scriptures?
Not as much as I’d like…
Will you continue to strive for progress here, as well?
Yes, I really want to make this a more important and essential part of my life in recovery.