Today was a pretty good day. I communicated with my sponsee and got quite a bit done for work. I had meetings early in the morning, which threw off my schedule for studying, and then when I could have made time to study in the middle of the day, I justified working on other things.
So, here I am now at 10:00 p.m.
We went to Ray and Amy’s tonight to celebrate Ray’s birthday. It was fun to see them and be a part of their celebration. They are like family. I’m so grateful we are such great friends. I’m grateful I had the chance to get to know them as their home teacher and they have been there for us.
After Ray’s house, Caleb and I went over to Adam’s to work on Caleb’s pine wood derby car. Unfortunately, it didn’t turn out like mine did when Grandpa cut it for us on his table saw, but we’ll make it work…
After working on the car, Caleb and I had a good talk about feelings. It was based on some notes and study I’d done the other night. Here are the notes I’d taken:
There is no other relationship quite like that which can and should exist between a boy and his dad. It can be one of the most nurturing, joyful relationships in life, one that can have a profound impact on who boys become and also on who dads become.
Fathers and sons can play a critical role in helping each other become the best that they can be.
3 Suggestions for Fathers
1. Fathers, listen to your sons—really listen to them. Ask the right kind of questions, and listen to what your sons have to say each time you have a few minutes together. A one-on-one relationship should be a routine part of your stewardship with your sons.
2. Pray with and for your sons.
3. Dare to have the “big talks” with your sons.
36 Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.
37 Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.
2 Nephi 32:3
Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.
29 Yea, we see that whosoever will may lay hold upon the word of God, which is quick and powerful, which shall divide asunder all the cunning and the snares and the wiles of the devil, and lead the man of Christ in a strait and narrow course across that everlasting gulf of misery which is prepared to engulf the wicked—
30 And land their souls, yea, their immortal souls, at the right hand of God in the kingdom of heaven, to sit down with Abraham, and Isaac, and with Jacob, and with all our holy fathers, to go no more out.
One of the things I really liked about this study was to focus on the word “feel.” Asking Caleb how he feels about things is a crucial thing I think. That’s never something I even thought about when I was a kid.
This was the quote:
And oh, how fathers need to listen. Remember, conversation where you do 90 percent of the talking is not a conversation. Use the word “feel” as often as you comfortably can in your discussions with your sons. Ask: “How do you feel about what you’re learning in that class?” “How do you feel about what your friend said?” “How do you feel about your priesthood and the Church?”
I need to remember this too – let him talk. Ask the right questions and let him talk about how he feels, what he’s going through, where he’s at, things like that.
Tonight, as I talked with Caleb, I could tell he was a bit up tight about something. I found out that he feels like he gets blamed a lot at school for things. He feels he’s not doing anything wrong.
I want to continue to have talks with him about how things are going. I want him to feel comfortable talking to me about hard things. I don’t want to blame or shame him, ever. Instead, I want to listen, seek to understand, and provide council and direction if he asks.
Thankfully, I’m feeling better health wise. It’s been nice to have energy again to work and to get things done.
I’m grateful to be able to be close to Becky and the kids again too.
Being sick, especially this time, was the worst. I don’t remember ever feeling as bad as I did in the heat of the moment.
I’m grateful for recovery, both from physical and from spiritual sickness.
Before I finish tonight, I want to ask myself some questions – things that pertain to where I am today in recovery, just to see where I feel I am.
- Am I studying the scriptures the way I feel Heavenly Father would want me to study them?
- Am I communicating well with God in prayer?
- How am I doing in submitting my will to God?
- What am I doing to submit my will to God?
- What do I feel submitting my will to God really means?
- Am I keeping my weapons of war buried?
- What do I feel are my weapons of war at this time in my life?
- Are there any weapons I need to bury that I’ve discovered?
- How am I treating Becky?
- How am I treating Caleb?
- How am I treating Madi?
- How am I treating Chloe?
- How am I treating Jayden?
- Am I being the kind of husband and father I want to be?
- How did I live in recovery today?
- What could I have done different to be closer to God today?
- How did I use the Atonement of Jesus Christ today?
- Do I need to make amends to anyone for my actions?
These are a few questions that come to mind.
I hope to review these tomorrow and answer them as best I can.