I’ve been up since about 4:45 a.m.
The most random thoughts woke me up today. First, I was thinking about the gopher problem we are seeing in our newly planted back yard. I know, why would I be thinking about this at 4 in the flippin’ morning, but I was.
Then additional stresses started mounting up:
- the JP project, getting that finalized and ready to roll,
- my meeting with Karen today – haven’t done much for her project lately,
- the WMW new project – haven’t even started that yet,
- the NW project – is it clean? is it working? I know one sale came through recently, which is good, but what’s left? I’m still seeing the phishing issue on my browser
- the U project – there are so many things that I’m worried about there that I’m not even sure where to start
- Finding the following workers to help me fulfill projects in an efficient and PROFITABLE way:
- Content writer – I reached out to Aaron W today as a referral from Barbara
- Local SEO specialist – I have John but the communication is difficult since he’s over seas, I’m going to reach back out to the guys in Burley to see what kind of deal we can put together
- Project Manager – I like Dylan but am not sure I want to continue training him on things that I guess I expected he would know
- Google Shopping specialist – I’m not even sure there is one out there or if this is something that Dylan can specialize in more (may be an opportunity for growth with the eCommerce space)
- the HC project – worried about content there and getting it all finalized
- the ALA project – haven’t even started yet – need to get them the next steps document ready, bill them for the prior work, and bill them for the new project, then get it all mapped out and ready to roll
Those are some of the things that are on my mind.
I’m grateful to be able to write them out.
I’m grateful that I got up and wanted to get working on things.
I’m grateful that I wanted to write out my feelings and then start studying this morning.
I’ll take the next 30 minutes or so to focus on studying.
What should I study about today?
I just said a prayer and feel that I need to study about trust and faith today.
I had an interesting experience with this topic the other day when we were in St. George. We went to the Dixie Rock look-out, which I’d never been to before. It was fun to be there, there were a lot of people around, and I immediately felt stress.
I feel the stress came because of the danger I knew could exist with the kids. These rocks are big sandstone bolders; they look easy to climb, but one slip and something could break or someone could be severely hurt, even dead. It’s a fun place but not one I’d want my kids to go to to just play around.
Why was I so stressed?
The first thing that came to mind was how much this relates to how Becky must feel about me, especially at places like Disneyland where there are all sorts of people dressed in all sorts of ways. Depending on where I am at that day in my recovery, it could be a really dangerous place.
Or how she could feel with the fact that I’m online all day every day and that my big mistakes in the past were all done online.
The fact that, at times, the kids have a hard time listening to what we’re telling them to do or not to do made me feel insecure of what they might do at this dangerous place they’d never been to before. I was especially worried about Caleb: he’s the leader, he’s exploratory like me in the outdoors, he takes risks or wants to be his own boss. These are great characteristics if managed the right way, but they are also dangerous when it comes to addiction and keeping the commandments.
I was nervous that he’d be casual in his safety on these rocks. I was nervous that he’d think it was easy and would slip and fall. I was nervous that he wouldn’t realize how dangerous the situation was. I was nervous that he’d lead his little siblings along and then one of them would fall.
All these feelings were about trust. Trust that he’d do the right thing. Trust that he’d listen to our council. Trust that he’d be safe.
It’s the same with me. If I listen to the council of God, if I do the right things – keep the commandments, I’ll be safe. It’s just like the primary song says:
Keep the commandments, keep the commandments
In this, there is safety, in this there is peace.
He will send blessings, He will send blessings,
Words of the prophets – Keep the commandments.
In this there is safety and peace.
As I keep the commandments, as I stay within the boundaries God has set, I will be safe and I can be trusted. If I stray or get casual or get reckless or decide to do my own will, I will fall and the fall will hurt, possibly even kill me or those closest to me.
I typed in Trust at LDS.org and found a talk by Elder Ballard titled “Put Your Trust in the Lord.” He shares one passage of scripture that really sticks out to me today:
“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
“For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
“Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?
“Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?
“If ye … know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?” (Matthew 7:7–11).
I really like those last verses: If my son asks for bread, am I going to give him a stone? or for a fish and I give him a serpent? Of course not! If he asks for something that I feel is best for him, I’m going to do all I can to give it to him, or at least help him get it.
If I know how to give good gifts to my kids and family, how much better is Heavenly Father at giving good gifts?
He can and will help me if I ask.
He does hear and answer prayers.
The things that have happened in my life, especially the good ones, are because He loves me and wants me to be happy. I have an amazing wife – she’s my best friend. What more could I ask for than Becky?
Nothing!
She’s the best, most loving, intelligent, thoughtful person I know. She’s an amazing mother that is such a great influence on me and on our kids.
There’s nothing I love more than to talk with her, share feelings, and reflect on where we are today in our recovery and conversion.
All other things will work out as I put my trust in Him. I feel that. I know that. It’s happened before and it will happen again. However, I have to keep the commandments, I have to do His will or I put myself in danger just as I felt the kids were in danger climbing around at Dixie Rock.
The way I can increase trust that Becky has in me is to do what’s right, stay within the boundaries we’ve set together, and BE the person she married – not the carnal Nate.
The way the kids can have my trust is to do the little things I ask them to do consistently.
The way I can regain the trust of Heavenly Father is to act on the impulses to do His will and not look back or doubt.
Trust the Lord. He is the Good Shepherd. He knows His sheep, and His sheep know His voice; and today the voice of the Good Shepherd is your voice and my voice.
And this too:
Heed the promptings of the Spirit. Supplicate the Lord in mighty prayer. Become engaged in doing what you can in sharing the great message of the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
And finally this:
“Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.
“… For it is by faith that miracles are wrought; and it is by faith that angels appear and minister unto men; wherefore, if these things have ceased wo be unto the children of men, for it is because of unbelief, and all is vain” (Moroni 7:33, 37).
I’m grateful for this study today.
I know today will be a good day.
Hasta luego!
Nate
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