I had a pretty good day yesterday.
Per my goals from the first of the year, I worked on the U Sponsorship most of the day and also worked on the Apple stuff and a bit of MM Web – all three things that are at the top of my list of goals.
The hard thing for me is that the first two things on the list, U Sponsorship and Apple DEP, are fairly new; they make me nervous that I’m waisting time and not making real progress.
I do feel I made progress with the sponsorship stuff though. I reached out to some big names, did some study of strategy and tactics, and feel good overall about where I’m headed with that project.
Beck and I had a talk last night during our AEIOU’s. I shared my U’s of fear of the unknown and fear of failure and loneliness. I also shared a U that seemed to spark the trauma again: it was related to the conversation we had at Iggy’s and how, since then, I’m a bit scared to share anything that could cause more trauma and pain to her. My intentions in sharing about my sponsee that day weren’t to cause the trauma and pain that those comments have caused. I do understand why they did cause the pain and trauma, and I feel sick about that.
But that is an honest U for me – I don’t want to cause more pain and trauma, and, therefore, feel vulnerable in sharing anything with Becky that might do that.
I feel the answer I need to consider strongly is reaching out to my sponsor more, sending him an email or text from time to time, surrendering feelings of fear and loneliness and any time I may have felt triggered or nervous based on what my sponsee has shared with me.
Those really are the current ongoing U’s that I’m dealing with right now.
On a good note, I just got a call back from NuSkin and followed the strategy of asking questions, getting advise, and learning as much as I can. This felt really good – I’m glad I answered the phone.
I look forward to today.
I look forward to being present and not moping around.
I look forward to living in recovery and not being angry or resentful at my children.
One other item of great news – last night, after all the chaos and frustration of kids yelling and screaming at each other, we found a note on our bed.
It was Caleb basically following the U’s approach of sharing how he felt: that we aren’t treating him fairly, that we are always mad at him, that’s he’s sad, and that he feels there’s something he needs to tell us that we will get really mad at him for.
Beck and I went and talked with him right away.
It was such a great talk. He expressed how he feels we pick on him or target him – that he gets the blame for most things. He talked about how he feels like he’s becoming addicted to his iPod and how he doesn’t want that to happen. We expressed our happiness that he is willing to share those feelings.
I feel it was such a great step.
That’s all for now.
Gotta get ready to go.