Last night I had a good conversation with a sponsee about how we want to work Step 1. This isn’t a sponsee in the ARP Support program, so we are trying to put some things together.
Here are some initial ideas:
- We read the Step 1 chapter and take notes, answer questions, write out feelings, cross-reference – things like that.
I started doing this the other day and really liked what I read about how lust is the core of the addiction.
These are some of the things that stuck out:
Lust was killing us.
By accepting reality, by acknowledging our disease, by embracing our failure, we found hope. This was the start of surrender. We began to build a road to recovery.
When we admitted our powerlessness to others and they to us, something special happened. By admitting the truth about ourselves, the power the secret had over us somehow lessened.
Here is a way one member described it:
That train rushing at me is lust. I am powerless over lust. It does not say I am powerless over my compulsive sexual behaviors. I am powerless over lust.
This stuck out too:
What, then, is lust? Lust is excessive and unreasonable thoughts or feelings that drive us to use or manipulate ourselves, others or things for self-centered destructive purposes.
As I think about this definition, I don’t necessarily think that always has to do with sexual thoughts.
Who is the scriptures was driven by lust?
Satan was and is a manipulator.
Christ, on the other hand, was about doing the will of the Father:
Wherefore, because that aSatan brebelled against me, and sought to destroy the cagency of man, which I, the Lord God, had given him, and also, that I should give unto him mine own power; by the power of mine Only Begotten, I caused that he should be dcast down; (Moses 4:1-3)
Satan was obsessed with power and glory and honor. He justified his behavior. He was angry. He was self-centered. He was willing to trade “short-term pleasure for long-term pain over and over and over again” (p.40, Step Into Action: 1, 2, and 3).
I like this too:
If we permit a lust thought to remain in our heads without dealing with it immediately, we begin physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, and neurological changes within us. If we repeat these lust thoughts, we will create the reality…Lust is more powerful than we are.
One of the biggest stumbling blocks in our efforts to become and remain sexually sober is our inability to fully understand, accept, and admit our powerlessness over lust. Our admission of powerlessness over lust is the way to physical, mental and spiritual freedom. Here is the essence of powerlessness for the sexaholic – we do something out of lust, we get a negative result, and yet we do it again in the vain hope of a different outcome. Our lives become unmanageable.
And there I am at Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over lust – that our lives had become unmanageable.
…a life driven by lust brings with it confusion, chaos, misery, and disaster.
In Step One we admitted that we were powerless and that our lives had become unmanageable. We admitted it to ourselves, to our sponsor, and to our group. We broke out of isolation.
I’m grateful for the time I’ve had this morning to study and write out feelings.
I look forward to a day in recovery.
I look forward to being honest with myself and others.