I wrote the other day about the Real Addiction Recovery Equation = Awareness + Honesty + Sobriety + Recovery Actions…
The Addiction Recovery Relationship, which I refer to all the time, is A (negative emotions) leads to B (lust), which leads to C (sexually acting out).
As I think about the equation I’ve made thus far, I may be skipping one: Recovery Behaviors.
Or maybe they come as I’m working on Recovery Actions…
Actions are a state of doing, where behaviors are a state of being.
I know that A, addictive behaviors lead to B, addictive actions.
According to Rhyll Croshaw, addictive behaviors include the following:
- being dishonest
- acting like a victim
- being emotionally disconnected
- hiding
- being easily angered
- minimizing
- denying
- blaming
- showing a lack of empathy
Addictive actions include:
- acting out sexually by viewing pornography
- masturbating
- engaging in any other sexual relationship outside of the marital relationship
When someone is in true recovery, the behaviors, and thus, the actions, don’t exist – they disappear.
If the behaviors are still present, true recovery is still absent.
Debilitating Negative Emotions => Addictive Behaviors which then lead to Addictive Actions, or lust and acting out.
First I feel the feelings and emotions, then I try to cope with them via addictive behaviors, next I use objectifying, browsing, sex, fantasy, and other triggers (lust) to reduce the feelings of isolation, loneliness, insecurity, fear, tension, etc. This is the false drug – the pacifier in coping with feelings – the “quick fix.” As lust raises its ugly head via addictive behaviors, it’s only a matter of time before I’ve fallen back into the C of the relationship – the sexually acting out. And thus goes the addictive cycle…
What’s the opposite of that then?
I feel the negative emotions, I recognize them for what they are. I surrender them to God, to a friend in recovery (my sponsor) and I write them down. I put my trust in God and others – humble myself. I make a commitment to do other things and to keep my weapons of war buried deep in the earth. I live a “new normal.”
How does that fit in the Real Addiction Recovery Equation? Awareness + Honesty + Sobriety + Recovery Actions
More to come!
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