It’s a new day.
I feel better this morning.
Yesterday was difficult from an emotions standpoint. I don’t know how to act or what to do when it comes to sexual health.
Beck and I talked about it a bit last night and I assured her I wasn’t mad at her at all – just sad, confused, and unsure of how to best handle the situation. I mentioned that I’d be willing to do a fast if that would be helpful – I’ll be willing to do whatever I can to help her feel safe and sure that I’m not going to leave her or get angry due to the frequency of our sex.
I don’t know that what I shared helped or not, but when I woke up this morning, I felt better.
I’m grateful for recovery.
I’m grateful for the time I’m willing to invest in making recovery a part of my day to day.
I’m grateful for the list I made yesterday and the progress I was able to make on that list. I look forward to reaching out to Dan today and going through what I found on the site yesterday.
I want to do the will of God.
I want to be honest and fair in my dealings with others.
To create a list today, here’s what I feel I need to do:
- BNI (90 minutes) – DONE
- Continue my study (15 minutes)
I’m back to do my study.
I’m interested in the book of Alma for a couple reasons:
1. it’s the biggest book in the Book of Mormon
2. Alma the Younger was the “vilest of sinners” and was out to destroy the Church at the time. He changed and then spent the rest of his life committed to really practicing Step 12 and sharing from his experience.
I also think that the war chapters in the Book of Mormon are very applicable to a recovering sex addict like me. It’s a war, a real war. I have to always be aware; I have to always be preparing and fortifying, and I have to be willing to do whatever God sees fit that I do to protect myself and my family.
How does this apply to lust addiction?
Lust, pornography and all the things that encompass it can be classified as the “vain things of the world,” and they are false doctrines; and ultimately these things are used to gain riches and worldly honor.
And the wicked people began to persecute those who were trying to do what was right in the eyes of God:
vs. 20 Yea, they did persecute them, and afflict them with all manner of words, and this because of their humility; because they were not proud in their own eyes, and because they did impart the word of God, one with another, without amoney and without price.
22 Nevertheless, there were many among them who began to be proud, and began to contend warmly with their adversaries, even unto blows; yea, they would smite one another with their afists.
I feel this pertains to me right now and correlates with the “right vs. wrong” mentality: am I proud? am I beginning to contend warmly with my adversaries and make a point? do I have an agenda?
Or am I remaining Humble, Honest and Accountable?
I think one of the hardest situations for me right now is dealing with the kids in a positive and helpful way, especially Caleb. He and I are very similar in a lot of ways, and my first tendency is to want to bite his head off.
I need to learn to better surrender these feelings, take things moment to moment, and just do the best I can.
I think this is an interesting and really applicable scripture section for where we are right now as well:
25 Now this was a great trial to those that did stand fast in the faith; nevertheless, they were asteadfast and immovable in keeping the commandments of God, and they bore with bpatience the persecution which was heaped upon them.
32 For those who did not belong to their church did indulge themselves in asorceries, and in bidolatry or cidleness, and in dbabblings, and in eenvyings and fstrife; wearing costly apparel; being glifted up in the pride of their own eyes; persecuting, lying, thieving, robbing, committing whoredoms, and murdering, and all manner of wickedness; nevertheless, the law was put in force upon all those who did transgress it, inasmuch as it was possible.
When I look at these things the wicked were doing: sorceries, idolatry, idleness, babblings, envyings, strife, wearing costly apparel, being lifted up in pride of their own eyes, persecuting, lying, thieving, robbing, committing whoredoms – all of this seems to tie right in with my addict self.
I’m grateful that, today, I don’t want to be that person.
I have to run Chloe to swimming now.
- SR Work (60 minutes)
- AD Work/Follow Up (15 minutes) – DONE
- BD Follow Up (5 minutes) – DONE
- Review local SEO work for WF, HC, UU & MM (60 minutes) – IN PROGRESS
- Review local SEO tools (15 minutes) – DONE
- Reach out to Bill about FS design integration (15 minutes) – DONE
- Upload PSD to dropbox and share with him – DONE
- Get estimate on time to integrate to new system – IN PROGRESS (Tuesday)
- Invoice HRC (5 minutes) – DONE
- Schedule time to review HRC Audit (5 minutes) – DONE – next week
- Review list and create new list (15 minutes) – DONE
Now I’m off to BNI.