In doing step 4, I’ve realized that my addiction(s) is only a symptom of a deeper cause. RESENTMENT, and all the synonyms of resentment (pride, jealousy, selfishness, anger, etc.), is the core issue I’m battling every day.
I saw a shared article today on Facebook, the title of which really caught my attention: “Let Your Husband Love You“.
If I could pin point one key thing that causes me to resent my sweetheart, it would be this – many times she’s too busy/tired/overwhelmed/focused to let me love her. By “love her” that doesn’t mean just SEX – that means a hug, a kiss, some undivided attention, a good talk, a sincere question about how I’m doing, a belief that when I tell her she looks AWESOME, I mean it.
I decided to copy and paste this article in hopes that it will help my readers/friends and in turn that the wives of my friends will find it helpful too.
I’m writing this post to myself. You can read it if you like, but just know that I’m 100% preaching to myself.
I get it. The kids have been climbing on you all day. One or both of your boobs have been exposed 87% of the day and you’re sick of being clawed at, sucked on, licked, punched, kicked, pulled, snotted on, cried on, spit up on, pooped on, and peed on. You’ve wiped butts and noses and counters and walls all day. You’ve battled attitudes and arched backs and Dora the Explorer since dawn and you’re tired. So. So. Tired. I know. I really really do.
I know you don’t want to be touched and for some reason, an innocent compliment can offend you. When he says, “You’re so pretty”, you think he’s mocking you because you’re in the yoga pants you’ve been wearing 4 days in a row and your hair is either falling out of your scalp or tied so tightly on top of your head that your eyebrows are permanently surprised. You think when he hugs you he’s just trying to do the thing that made all this chaos start in the first place and that ticks you off. Please. PLEASE. Listen when I say these things.
Stop. Take a breath. Recharge. Try again.
He’s been away at work all day. He’d much rather be with you. All of you. He’s missed your face, your voice, your smell, and your touch. He’s had to deal with whatever crap he has to deal with in order to provide for the family that he loves. He doesn’t enjoy walking out the door every morning, but he does. Every day. For you. For them.
He does think you’re pretty. He wouldn’t lie to you. He doesn’t need to say those things. But when he walks in the door and the first thing he sees is the love of his life, don’t convince yourself that he’s thinking about anything other than how absolutely beautiful you are. Cause guys are weird. Once they fall in love with you, there’s nothing you can wear, no amount of weight you can gain, and no lack of make up that will make them see you any differently. You are their love, their bride, and after he’s been at work all day, you are a sight for sore eyes.
So instead of rolling your eyes, huffing and puffing, throwing out gut kicking comments about how he has it easy, doesn’t understand, is lazy, a jerk, whatever comes to your beautiful stressed out brain… BREATHE. Look away from your day and see the man that won your heart.
Let your husband love you.
Because he needs to love you. As much as you need to receive the love he has for you, he needs to be received. He needs to be welcomed, embraced, and loved. Even if the last thing you want is to be touched or to hear how amazing you look when you feel insecure and disgusting. Let him love you. Don’t push him away. If you do, I can guarantee there will come a day when your cold shoulders and eye rolling will have trained him to stay away. There will be a day when you will need to be hugged and need to be reminded of how amazing you are and he won’t know how to tell you.
So suck up your pride, your anger, your frustration, and your crazy and just…be loved.
So, what are your thoughts on this topic?
How can it help?
What can a husband (or I) do to not let this cause resentment if and when it does happen?
Look forward to comments.