Burying My Weapons of War

About a month ago, at one of our group meetings, one of my friends Steve shared the talk from Elder Richard G. Scott titled Personal Strength through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. This talk was shared in the October 2013 General Conference. What stood out to me the most was the topic of burying my weapons of war, or my weapons of rebellion.

In this talk Elder Scott talks about the Anti-Nephi-Lehi’s (or the Ammonites) who chose to bury their weapons of war as a commitment to overcome surrender their “addiction” to the shedding of blood.

It was a great talk and very applicable to the addiction recovery program.

It’s led me to ask myself:

What are my weapons of war?

B and I have had some really hard talks lately, last night probably be the 2nd hardest next to the one we had last Sunday where I shared the news about my online relationship.

In our talks, we’ve talked about the core issues that seem to be leading me down these dangerous paths of addiction and sin.

I’ve come to realize a few things about myself that I hadn’t recognized 100% before:

1. I’m extremely selfish and self-centered.
2. The reason I feel I was born into a family where I am the only child was to help me recognize these problems and then, through submission to God, overcome surrender them.

My “weapons of war” have a lot to do with my core weaknesses.

Here’s a list I came up with:

• Facebook
• Youtube
• Instagram
• Critical thoughts about B
• Thoughts about what’s in it for me or when am I going to get what’s due to me
• Talking about B’s tone
• Telling B she always thinks she’s right
• Staying up late
• Looking at my phone when we go to bed

UPDATE: 3.13.16

I was going through my weapons of war and wanted to add more specifics.

My Weapons of War

• Social Media: I’ve blocked the following sites and only use them on rare occasions with permission from my Spiritual Nate and Becky:
  • Facebook (never)
  • Youtube (only with permission and monitored via Covenant Eyes)
  • Instagram (never)
  • Twitter (never – also blocked emails from Twitter)
• Internet Usage: I avoid browsing the internet – PERIOD. Browsing is a form of coping and always leads down the path of lust and acting out. I’ve installed Covenant Eyes willingly and like the protection it gives me and the trust it helps build with Becky
• Humility: I’ve eliminated critical thinking about Becky completely – I’m just happy that she’s still with me and has given me one last chance after all the HELL I’ve put her through. I flee from thoughts about what’s in it for me or when am I going to get what’s due to me: these are selfish thoughts and do me no good – EVER
• Early to Bed, Early to Rise: I’m committed to not staying up late; instead, Becky and I have a good routine where we read together, do our nightly check-in and connect emotionally
• Cell phone usage: I’ve eliminated all games on my phone and am working hard to limit my phone usage, especially at night.
• Chin-Up: I am aware of my surroundings. When I know I’ll be in a place with the potential to have lust triggers, I surrender before I go in, calling on God to help me keep my chin up. Throughout my time in the location, I am ever vigilant and focus on the chin-up. I may even pray multiple times for help. This practice has helped me keep bad thoughts out of my head.

I feel like listing out these “weapons of war” will help me remember what they are and stay far from them.

I feel the Ammonites were determined to keep their covenants and, even though they wanted to unbury their weapons at at least one point, they didn’t; instead they listened to their church leaders and take their council.

I’m looking forward to the process of staring my new life and submitting my will to God at all times and in all places.