Today is a new day. Today Becky and I have the chance to get back into a routine. Today we can go to bed early, do the AEIOU’s, read our scriptures together, and just enjoy the peace and quiet.
It’s been a great week with Becky’s parents here. They are fairly easy to work with, don’t have expectations that are unrealistic, and have always been so generous.
But I’m glad we’ll have a few days to ourselves. I look forward to getting back into a routine.
I looked up “routine” today at LDS.org and found one article that stuck out to me. It’s titled “The Key to Spiritual Protection” by Elder Boyd K. Packer.
One of the scriptures it shares is so true of where I’ve been in the past, and where I can easily fall back into if I’m not aware, submissive, and willing to humble myself:
For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
- Lovers of their own selves. – This can come across in many different ways for me – I have thought my ways were right, I’ve blamed and shamed others, I’ve thought the things I was doing were the best thing for me, and I’ve stopped taking the counsel of others, especially of God.
- Covetous. – Lust is one form of coveting. Also, wishing my business was bigger and better than others is a form of being covetous.
- Proud. – Pride is one of the keys and most powerful ingredients in addiction. Thinking that my will is going to be better for me than God’s will, not trusting in Him, and fearing man more than fearing God.
- Disobedient to parents.
- Unthankful. – Yet another component of my addiction. When I was in the heart of my addiction, I stopped recognizing the power of God’s hand in my life. I felt that everything I was doing was because I was on top of things, or I was a good salesman, or whatever. Never was I thankful; I was always looking for more or not satisfied with what I had.
- Without natural affection. – Another ingredient of lust, pornography, and masturbation. None of these things are natural affection. They are all counterfeit. They are all from Satan. And they are all deceptive and destructive.
- False accusers. – This is an interesting one. I know that when I was in the heart of my addiction, I accused Caleb a lot, I accused Becky a lot, and nothing was ever my fault. I’m grateful that today I don’t feel this way at all; in fact, I feel like many thins are my fault and that I need to always be careful and conscious of other’s needs.
- Fierce. – This is the anger that I always dealt with after a relapse or acting out. I was always so easily angered at others, especially Caleb and Becky. Today I don’t want to be angry at all. Today I want to be patient and kind. At times, however, I do feel myself getting angry and fierce. It’s at these times that I need to remember to stop and submit my will to Him. For He can help me with all the temptations and character weaknesses I’m faced with.
- Despisers of those that are good.
- Lovers of pleasure more than lovers of God. – Lust, pornography and masturbation once again. Lovers of pleasure, lovers of the natural man. To love God means I’m willing to do whatever it takes to keep His commandments. And immediately I will have His Spirit to be with me. What a special blessing this is – to have the Holy Ghost with me at all times as I’m worthy. I’m grateful that, today, I want to love God more than loving other pleasures. I feel this is also prevalent in my expectations when it comes to sex: if I’m focused on loving pleasure more than loving God, I’m always going to be thinking about the next time we can have sex. But today, I just want to please God and do what He wants me to do. And the other relations are just icing on the cake.
- Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof.
In the article, the warning also came:
Evil men and seducers shall wax worse and worse, deceiving, and being deceived.
I don’t want to be deceived, and I don’t want to deceive either.
I went to a group meeting today at noon. It was for general addiction and was about having a support person. I’m grateful for not only my support person, but I’m grateful to be helping Grant as well.
Today I choose to live my life in recovery!