Yesterday was a pretty tough day: I could tell from the morning that Beck was having a tough time.
I wasn’t sure if it was because my parents were coming or if it was because we were having so much to do, but I could see in her face that things weren’t good.
The day was really busy; we got a lot done, and it ended up being ok, but I want to understand what I can do to help the situation in the future.
- Talk with her
- Let it work itself out
- Read something together
- Listen to something together
- Go on a walk together
- Exercise together
- Physically connect
- Create boundaries
These are some initial ideas. I don’t know what the best solution is, or maybe it varies depending on the day and situation.
I think the best answer is probably to just be patient and let things work themselves out.
I can be aware of the situation and make sure I’m submissive. I can also avoid doing anything that would make things feel worse – addictive behaviors, doing or saying things that will remind her of the past, yelling at the kids, being too touchy or needy, etc.
I really like this scripture and quote from the Bible Dictionary I found in the featured message on LDS.org:
We pray in Christ’s name when our mind is the mind of Christ, and our wishes the wishes of Christ—when His words abide in us.
This is in relation to this scripture:
The Lord promised, “Whatsoever thing ye shall ask in faith, believing that ye shall receive in the name of Christ, ye shall receive it” (Enos 1:15).
Asking for Heavenly Father to remove Becky’s pain is something I can do, but it doesn’t mean it will necessarily go away immediately. Instead, I have to “pray in Christ’s name” and make my “wishes the wishes of Christ.”
This is all about surrendering and doing His will.
This is all about coming to know Him.
This is all about being like Him so that I only want to do and think and be the things that He would want me to do, think and be.
The Bible Dictionary goes on to say:
Many prayers remain unanswered because they are not in Christ’s name at all; they in no way represent His mind but spring out of the selfishness of man’s heart.
I believe this. What I’ve done to Becky is going to continue to be painful from time to time. I feel so bad for the pain I’ve caused; unfortunately, some mistakes require consequences that are tough to repair immediately. I just wish those mistakes I made didn’t have to affect her like they do.
All I can really do is take one day at a time, live in recovery, and continue to work to gain back the trust of both my Heavenly Father and my wife.
I can gain back this test, with time, by submitting my will to Him, doing His will, and focusing on connecting with Him and with Becky one day at a time.
I’m grateful that last night at the ballet, I can honestly say that I submitted my will to Him and was able to focus on the chin up (and the feet – I did watch the feet at times to see how they went on their toes so much).
Lust is the basic ingredient in my addiction. I want to always be aware of this and be willing to surrender my life and my will to God so that He can help me do what I can’t do on my own – overcome the natural man.
This is the answer ultimately:
For the anatural bman is an cenemy to God, and has been from the dfall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he eyields to the enticings of the fHoly Spirit, and gputteth off the hnatural man and becometh a isaint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a jchild, ksubmissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father. (Mosiah 3:19)
I’m grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and the hope it brings me that I truly can recover and live in recovery one day at a time.
I feel good about today.