Well, it hasn’t been the best of times in Michigan, although it has been pretty fun at times.
Becky’s experience of seeing a screen-shot of the Words with Friends crap has made things extra hard and brought back the pain and bad feelings. It’s hard for her to work through them, especially without being able to be part of recovery meetings and use the tools she’s used to using.
I want to be there for her. I want to help her feel that I’m here today and that I’m living in recovery today. But I know I can only do what I can do.
I feel the parable of the 10 virgins is really applicable to recovery and healing, both for Becky and for me. Both of us have to continue to fill our own lantern. Both of us have to do this every day if we really want to feel connection with God and with one another. Without these connections, recovery is more difficult.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
I feel like this is a good answer. There isn’t much I can do to fill my wife’s lantern. What I can do, however, is fill mine by writing and reaching out to God.
I’m grateful for this understanding today and want to live it one day at a time.
This scripture comes to mind:
And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now? (Alma 5:26)
This is, to me, what the parable of the 10 virgins is all about: can ye feel so now? How am I doing today? How have I connected with God today? How is my lantern looking at this moment?
It doesn’t matter how it was 2 years ago. It doesn’t matter how it was even yesterday; it’s all about how I am doing today, right now. It doesn’t even matter what my plan is for tomorrow. It’s about today – the present.
I love Becky so much and feel so bad that she was brought back to such a painful place with that screen shot.
I never want to get back to that place again.
I’m grateful for recovery today.