I wrote this as an email to Becky yesterday.
Well, scout camp is here, it’s raining, and I’m pretty lonely and bored. I did find some of the boys and find that most of my time will be spent babysitting them so they’ll pay attention.
I had a good first call with boot camp and set some specific and measurable goals as part of the first cmeeting. My group seems good too – the mentor reminds me of me: not a web designer but a sales person who gets deals and runs the business.
I feel I will get a lot out of the program. I feel there is so much potential in my business and I look forward to learning, growing and implementing.
As I read your journal, I almost started crying for no apparent reason. Well, actually for all kinds of reasons. I remember how it felt to go to Nauvoo with just the kids. I remember all of us crying in your living room as we told the kids you were going to stay there. I remember beginning to feel all the real pain I had caused everyone. I remember how terrible it felt to know that I’d hurt my very best friend and only true love. I remember being so worried that this could be the new reality – I take the kids for a time and then bring them back.
Although this wasn’t at all fun, I feel so grateful that you had the courage to send us to Nauvoo alone, that you had the courage to send me home to be alone for a time. I remember it reminding both of us of how Joseph tested his brothers to see if they had truly had a change of heart.
This was helpful. It helped me really turn to God and prioritize. It helped me increase my faith in the fact that He will hear and answer my prayers.
I’m so grateful for where we are today, both individually and together.
I’m so grateful for the love and support of your family: they have every right to disown me and isolate.
I’m so grateful for recovery. Surrender, submission, and serenity- these are true principles that help me feel so much more secure with God and connected to Him.
I love you more today than I could ever have imagined.
I feel so close to you just writing this out.
I feel that Heavenly Father wants us to work through things together and that, as we do so, He will bless our lives and our kids lives so much that we won’t believe it.
I look forward to communicating via journals too. This also reminds me of those times in recovery when you preferred to communicate that way instead of talking on the phone. It would be interesting to go back to those journal entries to remember how it all felt then compared to how it feels today.
Please be careful. Please keep in touch. And please know that I’m here today and that I’m so excited and grateful for where I am today with Gods help.
Now I’m off to build a tee pee with sticks and rope!