Surrendering My Will to God One Day at a Time

Today is a new day.

Yesterday was a really productive day. I did some work for one of my new clients and wasn’t 100% comfortable with the content she provided (videos). I surrendered those to Becky and committed that I wouldn’t go back there – I’ll assign it to my project manager and others to finalize.

I’m grateful to be where I am today.

I don’t want to justify or minimize or rationalize – I just want to live in recovery. I know that living in recovery is so much easier and so much happier than the alternative.

This morning, before meetings and work, I’m going to read over the talk by President Uchtdorf titled “It Works Wonderfully!”

To be honest, it’s hard not to think about Mandy as I read this article: it’s about looking for truth in hard-to-understand places and not relying on the truth we’ve been taught.

However, I must ask, “How does this apply to ME?”

This quote is clear:

Sometimes, the truth may just seem too straightforward, too plain, and too simple for us to fully appreciate its great value.

The truth is, looking at pornography is committing an affair in my heart. Lust is committing an affair in my heart. Breaking the commandment is putting my will in front of God’s will, it’s thinking that His truth is too simple, too straightforward, too plain. It’s thinking I know what will make me more happy that His will and His plan of happiness.

I’ve unfortunately learned from hard and painful experience that this isn’t the case. The plan I was acting out in my heart and mind was NOT HAPPY at all, even in the process of acting it out over the years of darkness and persuasion.

So we set aside what we have experienced and know to be true in pursuit of more mysterious or complicated information. Hopefully we will learn that when we chase after shadows, we are pursuing matters that have little substance and value.

That’s what pornography is – complicated, shadows, matters that have little substance and value.

I like these questions that President Uchtdorf asks us to consider in regard to following the right path:

Does my life have meaning?”

Do I believe in God?”

Do I believe that God knows and loves me?”

Do I believe that God hears and answers my prayers?”

Am I truly happy?”

Are my efforts leading me to the highest spiritual goals and values in life?”

Today I can answer “Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, YES, and Yes!”

Today I feel closer to Becky than I’ve ever felt in my life.

Today I want to be close to God and connect with Him through study and prayer and meditation.

Today I want to live in recovery and surrender the natural man tendencies, knowing that I can’t fight them on my own, I just have to surrender them, acknowledge that from time to time, they will raise their ugly head, but I don’t have to give them any attention.

It’s that simple. Not easy, but definitely simple.

I really like this question Alma suggested too:

Alma posed similar questions to Church members in Zarahemla when he asked: “Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts? … [And] can [you] feel [it] now?”¹ Such contemplation may help us to refocus or realign our daily efforts with the divine plan of salvation.

Can I feel so now?

How is the mighty change in my heart affecting me and my family?

I feel much closer and connected to Caleb too. Last night I cut his hair, and, miraculously, I didn’t overreact or belittle or shame him at all (until the very end when he walked right through the hair I had just swept up…).

What is the difference between those whose experience in the Church fills their souls with songs of redeeming love² and those who feel that something is lacking?

For me, I don’t feel the church has ever caused me to feel something is lacking; instead, I’ve felt unworthy to be there or disheartened because of my actions that I was desperately trying to hide from everyone, including myself.

I really like this quote too:

This beautiful gospel is so simple a child can grasp it, yet so profound and complex that it will take a lifetime—even an eternity—of study and discovery to fully understand it.

So simple, yet so profound. It can cater to all levels of knowledge and understanding. It reminds me of the acronym of KISS – Keep It Simple Stupid!

Today I’m grateful that I want to keep things simple and live in recovery.

I look forward to listening to this talk on my way to meetings in Salt Lake.

I look forward to connecting with God and with my family throughout the day.

This week is pretty busy, but I want to put first things first and remember that God and His Son have to be at the center of all my interactions.

I’m grateful for these desires today.

Hasta luego!

Nate