Step 4 Section 3
If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8)
A main characteristic of addiction is denial or self-deception – when an individual denies having a problem. What healing effects can come from replacing denial with truth?
This reminds me of step 1 about honesty! I feel a big part of my recovery is being honest with myself and others. As I’m honest with myself, I begin to see myself more as I really am: a child of God who has weaknesses and imperfections. I feel the program has really helped me understand the importance of being honest with myself.
Just recognizing that I have a problem that I need help with has been helpful in my recovery too. In the past I always knew I had a problem but never even knew it was something that needed help like this. I’m glad I found the program when I did.
How can step 4 help you accomplish such a task?
Step 4 really helps me get out all the “dirt” in my life, it helps me discover the core problems, not just the surface issues. I’m discovering that selfishness and self-will are two of my biggest issues – pornography and lust being symptoms of the problem. As I’m completely honest with myself, I can see better where I am and where I want to go. Step 4 is scary but I know I can do it with God’s help.
Nate, as I read your post here, I was reminded of something I want to share:
One way in which Step 4 has helped me is that it showed me a pattern of secrecy, selfishness, and dishonesty:
Dishonesty: I’ve fooled myself into believing I am ok, things are great, I can deal with this on my own. I am not talking about addiction necessarily; as a teenage kid I thought I could do anything. Girls broke my heart. “I can deal with this without talking to anybody; I am fine; I can do this on my own”–that was my thinking. I felt I did not fit in with all the non-mormon kids–“that is fine; I’ll deal with it pretending I am Catholic.” When my parents asked if I was depressed for some reason, “No, of course not, I am fine; I am self-confident.” In reality I wasn’t. I WAS NOT FINE. I needed to talk to someone, but I didn’t. I was dishonest with myself and with others. I tried to escape my feelings and embraced pornography and masturbation to cope with life. This led me to further dishonesty and to dishonesty’s partner: secrecy.
Secrecy: I would be so secretive and even “descarado” about addiction. I would lie, and hide things, in order to “find myself home alone.” I would minimize my sins by fooling myself and later my priesthood leaders. I would resort to having a double life. I was secretive about my feelings and doings. I was so ashamed of my pornography problem that I could not “come out of the closet.” I resorted to secrecy and lies to cover up my “shameful” behavior. I was in misery. Dishonesty and Secrecy led my to shame which in turn begot Misery. I was truly in the hands of Satan and he was making me like he is: the father of all lies, filled with pride, filled with misery.
Different things I tried, even in recovery, were the same tactic disguised each time. After they yielded relapse I would recognize him again: “Now I know thee, ye are Satan.” Many tactics to contain my addiction were variations of the same old lie: you can do this on your own.
Step 4 brought Truth, Honesty, Self Esteem, Acceptance without Condemnation, Humility, in short, it brings Christ. Now, that is recovery. The truth is that I cannot get out of the addictive hole I dug up for myself. I need a Savior, a Redeemer, and Prince of Peace, a Mighty God.