“Jesus kneeled down, and prayed, saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done” (Luke 22:41-42)
I have, many times, prayed to get this cup removed. At times, I’ve been so desperate, that suicidal thoughts would come into my mind. However, after calming down and after I starting thinking again, I realize that I need patience; that I need to accept who I am–without justifying my actions or indulging my cravings–and accept God’s will. It is hard.
However, I also realized that eventually, even for Christ, that cup was removed (overcome, accomplished, completely drunk). After His resurrection, we all know that the most difficult part of his mission was done. I feel like at times I am in Gethsemani or on the cross, when I would rather be ministering the Nephites. It is a matter of patience, and submission to God’s will.
I’ve been also thinking about always moving forward with the steps. I cannot afford not to work my recovery program. I am starting step 4, and looking forward step 5. I realize that for me, if I don’t work the steps, I could be in Gethsemani all my life.
An interesting fact, not mentioned in the guide, is mentioned in the verse following the one quoted above.