“Jesus kneeled down, and prayed, saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done” (Luke 22:41-42)
I have, many times, prayed to get this cup removed. At times, I’ve been so desperate, that suicidal thoughts would come into my mind. However, after calming down and after I starting thinking again, I realize that I need patience; that I need to accept who I am–without justifying my actions or indulging my cravings–and accept God’s will. It is hard.
However, I also realized that eventually, even for Christ, that cup was removed (overcome, accomplished, completely drunk). After His resurrection, we all know that the most difficult part of his mission was done. I feel like at times I am in Gethsemani or on the cross, when I would rather be ministering the Nephites. It is a matter of patience, and submission to God’s will.
I’ve been also thinking about always moving forward with the steps. I cannot afford not to work my recovery program. I am starting step 4, and looking forward step 5. I realize that for me, if I don’t work the steps, I could be in Gethsemani all my life.
An interesting fact, not mentioned in the guide, is mentioned in the verse following the one quoted above.
Thanks for the post Raul!
One thing that helped me (and continues to help me) quite a bit with step 4 was the outline my sponsor shared with me to help me discover the core issues I was (and am) having.
Granted, there is not a “right” or “wrong” way to do Step 4; but, what I found helpful was to read both the manual and the AA book’s perspective on completely step 4 thoroughly.
Sorry I missed your call last night. I saw that’d I’d missed it a bit too late. I’m happy to call you today sometime – let me know when is best via text.
Here are a few talks I read recently that gave me a lot of insight in to submitting my will to God:
Willing to Submit by Neal A. Maxwell
Behold the Man by Richard C. Edgley
One other thing my sponsor shared with me the other day via email was the challenge to feel the “red flag” when and if I miss of day of working the steps in the program/studying and writing about the step I’m on and sharing it with my sponsor. I extend that same challenge to you and feel it’s all about consistency!
Talk soon!
Nate