Tonight was a good night. I went to the Provo meeting due to a conflict this coming Thursday. It was amazing to see how many people were at the Provo meeting. There were so many we had to split in to THREE groups of about 15 people each. I was really surprised to only see two or three people there that I recognized.
I also had a good morning meeting with Jason. We talked about Step 8 and how I don’t need to think as much right now about HOW I’m going to make amends, it’s more about being WILLING to make amends that I’m working on currently. This makes me not worry so much about “how to even bring things up” and some of those questions I had the other day.
I had a pretty good talk with Becky tonight as well about some of the resentments I felt at work today. The biggest challenge I face is my own ego: when I feel decisions are made that directly affect me and my division, I get angry, frustrated, and feel they are not respecting or appreciating me the way they should. This is such and egocentric approach. I recognize it. It’s just a hard pill to “swallow” when I felt I was hired because I was qualified to lead my team.
Anyway, hopefully recognizing the resentment, writing it out, and pondering what roll I’m playing will help me work through it.
Now to Step 8:
“The nearer we get to our heavenly Father, the more we are disposed to look with compassion on perishing souls; we feel that we want to take them upon our shoulders, and cast their sins behind our backs. . . . If you would have God have mercy on you, have mercy on one another” (Joseph Smith, in History of the Church, 5:24).
Without Jesus Christ, we are all perishing, imperfect souls. How does it help you to know that in taking step 8 you are one perishing soul preparing to make amends to another perishing soul?
I feel really good about the step I’m taking with Step 8. One of the things I hope comes from this is that I’m able to not compare myself to others. The comparison of “I’m better than them at that” is not healthy. I hope I can take this opportunity not only to help myself overcome this prideful tendency, but that I can also help teach my kids at an early age that the only person we’re really competing with is our self. If we are doing our personal best, it doesn’t really matter what others are doing.
Pride is essentially competitive in nature. We pit our will against God’s. When we direct our pride toward God, it is in the spirit of “my will and not thine be done.” As Paul said, they “seek their own, not the things which are Jesus Christ’s” (Philip. 2:21).
In the words of C. S. Lewis: “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. … It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone” (Mere Christianity, 1952, 109–10). … (President Ezra Taft Benson, The Faces of Pride)
Another thing I hope to see as a result of honestly taking Step 8 and Step 9 is that I may be able to open doors for others to get involved in the 12 Step Program. I’m not sure who yet, but I’m sure I have friends and acquaintances that would benefit from what is taught in the 12 Step Addiction Recovery program.
- I’m grateful to have gone to the meeting tonight.
- I’m grateful that I have a good job that allows me to work on my own businesses.
- I’m grateful for the people I’m helping at work.
- I’m grateful for my colleagues that I work with.
- I’m grateful for my family: Becky, Caleb, Madi and Chloe.
- I’m grateful for my healthy and strength.
- I’m grateful for the things I’m learning about my industry.
- I’m grateful for what I’m learning about myself and about the Atonement of Jesus Christ.