It’s good to be back in Utah after a pretty good weekend in Idaho.
Here is the study I did while I was there (unfortunately I missed Saturday and Sunday study):
Well, I made it to Idaho in peace and safety. I talked to Becky on the way here for a big; she said Mandy did awesome and that Chloe is being really good. She also said Mom and Dad Schmidt are willing and wanting to fly us back to Wisconsin after Christmas for a little while. I think it’s a nice gesture but I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. They would be willing to pay for the flights and things but that’s not really the point. I don’t want a “pitty party” or to gain the reputation in the family as the “ones who need help” or something.
I know it can’t be about worrying about what other people think, as that is one of my core addictions – PRIDE – so I’ll need to think about how we are going to handle all that.
I found the emails I’d sent Dane about the proposal with the WM thing. I feel really good about being honest with Jason and know things will work together for my good as long as I’m trying to do what’s right.
The last two days with my family gone have been fine but definitely tougher. It reminds me of the scripture that says, “It is not good for man to be alone…” Although I haven’t done anything officially that would constitute relapse, I just feel my mind wandering more and my thoughts going in the wrong directions. I feel my eyes wandering too, and I’m not relying as much as I need to on the Savior – turning to Him as I feel temptations. It is good to be back with my kids.
Being in Idaho is also another temptation: I feel urges come back that I had when I was growing up. Places bring back memories, etc. This is why, before I came up to watch the end of the Jazz game, I decided that a good study had to be a MUST.
Step 9 Question
How does being active in the Church help you make amends and recover more fully?
Church activity is one of the “small and simple things” that helps “great things come to pass”. Church activity is one of the ways I show my Heavenly Father that I’m willing to submit my will to His – it’s one of the core things he’s asked us to do. Renewing my covenants of baptism through the sacrament is a cleansing process that I can’t take for granted.
I’ve also felt a lot of support from the class I’m teaching. Although the class itself is a bit rough at times (10-12 year old rowdy boys), the topics I’m asked to cover are as much for ME as them.
Consistent Church activity also is essential food for my spirit, which helps making amends more doable and calms any fears I may have to do what I know God wants me to do. These little things: church activity, scripture and program study, personal prayer, temple attendance, fasting, pondering, really aren’t “little” at all – they are the way I show my willingness to do God’s will and my desire to fully recover from my addictions.
Becky recommended I look at Mosiah chapter 2.
I’m not sure which scriptures she thought were fitting for us right now but here are a few that stand out:
22. And behold, all that he requires of you is to keep his commandments; and he has promised you that if ye would keep his commandments ye should prosper in the land; and he never doth vary from that which he hath said; therefore, if ye do keep his commandments he doth bless you and prosper you.
24. …he doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he hath paid you. And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be, forever and ever; therefore, of what have ye to boast?
31. And now, my brethren, I would that ye should do as ye have hitherto done. As ye have kept my commandments, and also the commandments of my father, and have prosper, and have been kept from falling into the hands of your enemies, even so if ye shall keep the commandments of my son, or the commandments of God which shall be delivered unto you by him, ye shall prosper in the land, and your enemies shall have no power over you.
32. But, O my people, beware lest there shall arise contentions among you, and ye list to obey the evil spirit, which was spoken of by my father Mosiah.
41. And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual; and if they hold out faithful to the end they are received into heaven, that thereby they may dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness. O remember, remember that these things are true; for the Lord God hath spoken it.
As I typed these scriptures down, I continue to think about how happy I am that I decided to speak with Jason C about the WM issue. I don’t know what the outcome will be, but whatever it is, I feel clean and right for taking that step in the dark.
I feel excited to work on making amends with other people I have offended or that have bugged me.
Things I’m Grateful For
- That I traveled safe to Idaho
- Getting to meet with Brett and map things out a bit today for HS
- That Caleb and Madi have seemed to be doing pretty good here at Grandma and Grandpa’s house
- That I made the time NOW to do my study before I watch the rest of the Jazz game
- That Becky shared Mosiah 2 with me
- That I’ll see Becky and Chloe in 2 days