My update for yesterday and today isn’t the best. It’s all based on lustful tendencies.
When I’m feeling overwhelmed, when I’m feeling nervous about the unknown, when I’m feeling lonely, when I’m feeling like I’m not good enough… my first action is generally browsing on Facebook – looking at friends pictures, looking at Fan pages that are about exercise, etc. Then it leads to model Fan Pages.
I haven’t gone into any “pornographic” sites, but they are lustful in nature and cause me to “objectify women”.
I feel bad about the process.
I feel I need to talk with the Bishop just to let him know where I’m at and what I’m struggling with.
I talked with Becky about it a bit last night but didn’t get into full detail about lust.
I’m tired of hurting her feelings and causing distance between us.
I’m tired of going through these cycles.
I’m tired of not hitting my potential in business due to fear of failure and fear of success.
I’m tired of having a lack of patience with my kids due to my resentment towards myself.
I’m tired of WANTING to do what’s right and have a productive schedule, and then giving in to my weaknesses and falling back into “the lust cycle”.
I’m tired of feeling I have a lack of faith when it comes to prayer and how much Heavenly Father will actually hear my prayers and help. I know He does but I still have that doubt.
I see clearly that acting out in “lustful looking” is just as damaging to my spiritual health as Pornography and Masturbation.
I went to the meeting last night, which helped.
I shared that I have a few hours of sobriety from pornography and lust.
Although that is embarrassing, I feel I need to really keep track of my sobriety in order to see the best results. I have to take things “one day at a time” and I have to WORK THE PROGRAM.