Richer, Deeper Love
“Every appetite, desire, propensity, and impulse of the natural man may be overcome by and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. We are here on the earth to develop godlike qualities and to bridle all of the passions of the flesh. …
“Alma counseled his son Shiblon to ‘bridle all [of his] passions, that [he] may be filled with love’ (Alma 38:12). Significantly, disciplining the natural man in each of us makes possible a richer, a deeper, and a more enduring love of God and of His children. Love increases through righteous restraint and decreases through impulsive indulgence.”
(emphasis added, Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “We Believe in Being Chaste,” Ensign, May 2013, 43–44.)
My thoughts today are based on this.
B and I had another talk yesterday night that was, for me, probably one of the hardest to swallow.
- She talked about how she feels that I don’t even really love her anymore.
- She talked about how she feels that my tears are more tears of “oh crap, she might leave me” or “oh crap, I got caught” and not tears of sorry and hurt for her.
- She talked about how she doesn’t know if things will ever get better or if she’ll feel this way ongoing.
- She talked about how everything I’ve done has been all about me – that I have “pathological selfishness”.
The thing that hurts the most is I feel helpless. I feel sick. I feel she’s right – especially about the selfishness.
I do love her, more now than possibly ever before.
But I feel empty too. I feel such guilt and remorse, that it’s hard for me to even cry. When I was telling her the step-by-steps of what happened, I feel bad but I don’t feel much emotion either.
I just feel sick to my stomach.
I keep asking myself, “How did I get to this place? What was I thinking? Why would I do this to her? Why would I do this to my family?”
The answer to those questions is becoming more and more clear: SELFISHNESS!
As I read that quote from Elder Bednar, I feel it hit home.
If I’m able to bridle all my passions, my love will increase, both for B and for my family.
12 Use boldness, but not overbearance; and also see that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love; see that ye refrain from idleness.