I’ve been reading the Book of Mormon on my phone lately because it allows me to highlight and tag scriptures with topics of my choice.
I’ve made quite a list of tags. Here they are:
- addiction (26)
- agency (7)
- apostasy (8)
- be strong (1)
- carnal mind (24)
- casualness (10)
- christianity (3)
- church (13)
- covenants (11)
- deliverance (18)
- false prophets (6)
- fear god (7)
- forgiveness (5)
- grace (6)
- humility (1)
- journaling (7)
- love (3)
- martyrdom (1)
- patience (1)
- prayer (1)
- pride (21)
- priesthood (7)
- repentance (2)
- resentment (11)
- scripture study (8)
- selfishness (2)
- service (1)
- shame (2)
- spiritual mind (6)
- submissive (28)
- the atonement (9)
- trials (15)
What I love about the tags is that I’m creating my own little “Topical Guide” where I can go back and review things related to topics I’m noticing in reading.
I’ve realized that Alma the Younger was really aware, was in recovery from his sins, and submitted his will to God’s all the time, in all situations.
Here’s what I’ve found:
Talking about his dad’s conversion:
“according to his faith there was a mighty change wrought in his heart.” (Alma 5:12)
When he was at battle with his brethren who’d apostatized:
“O Lord, have mercy and spare my life, that I may be an instrument in thy hands to save and preserve this people.” (Alma 2:30)
Talking about Alma the Younger and the Sons of Mosiah, who had caused a lot of issues in the Church due to their choices:
“zealously striving to repair all the injuries which they had done to the church, confessing all their sins, and publishing all the things which they had seen, and explaining the prophecies and the scriptures to all who desired to hear them.” (Mosiah 27:35)
I know there will be more examples of Alma’s willingness to submit to the will of God coming up, but these are some I found now.
Question for myself:
How can I maintain this desire I have to study the word of God with diligence and stay in recovery?
For me, the first and most simple answer is – I CAN’T! I simply can’t do it – at least not on my own. I haven’t been able to for nearly all my life; what’s different about now?
The true answer is that I can only stay in recovery with God’s help. Now, how can I maintain this desire to study the word of God with diligence? This answer is also quite simple:
I don’t want to lose my family: Becky, Caleb, Madi, Chloe, Jayden and the one on the way.
Now, I’ve never wanted to lose my family, but I’ve continued in my addiction off and on for quite some time. Why do I do this?
Because I get casual in my study of the scriptures, I get casual in my prayers, I get casual in submitting my will to God, I get casual in turning to Him in everything.
CASUALNESS in the gospel is the opposite of TRUE HAPPINESS.
I want to be “anxiously engaged in a good cause.” I want to have this burning desire, this hunger for doing what’s right.
I want to make scripture study and prayer (the personal version of these actions) the essentials of my day, the top priorities, the things I can’t live without.
The only way I can truly continue on this path of recovery is “one day at a time”. I can’t look ahead too far. I can’t think about next week, or next month, or next year, or even tomorrow; instead, I have to think about TODAY, right now, this very moment.
Am I doing God’s will right now?
This has to be a question I ask myself all the time. I have to be AWARE of what I’m doing instead of being willing to “…be led away carefully down to hell.”
I’m grateful for the testimony I have of the Book of Mormon. I’m grateful for the testimony I have of the Atonement. I want to move forward and make every day a new day to strengthen my testimony through actions of submission.
I want Becky and my kids to be able to trust me
I want to be honest to all I come in contact with.
I want to rid myself of my addictions and be as Alma the Younger, “an instrument in [His] hands to save and preserve this people”.
I will make it a life mission to do this and look forward to finishing today in recovery.