Day 60 – Step Work
CONFESSION
KEY PRINCIPLE: Admit to yourself, to your Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ, to proper priesthood authority, and to another person the exact nature of your wrongs.
A common characteristic of many who have suffered from addiction is a sense of isolation. Even in a crowd or while engaged in activities where others might feel a sense of connectedness, we felt like we didn’t fit in. As we came to recovery meetings, we began to emerge from the emotional isolation in which addiction thrived. At first, many of us just sat and listened, but
eventually we felt safe enough to speak and share. Still, we kept many things to ourselves—shameful things, embarrassing things, heartbreaking things, things that made us feel vulnerable.
Can you identify with this paragraph? Explain how.
I can definitely identify. I remember not wanting to talk too much to Becky, or anyone, about anything because I was hiding so many things, both from Becky and also from myself.
It seemed I didn’t even realize at the time what was going on. As I look back now, it’s amazing to feel the changes that have taken place and that are taking place as I try each day to turn my life and will over to Him and be honest with myself and with others.
It’s also comforting to feel I can be me again – talkative, open, honest, and willing to be vulnerable.
We did honest and thorough inventories in step 4, but that was a private experience. We were still left alone with the shame of the past. Not until we took step 5 were we able to throw off the shackles of our isolating secrets and gain some perspective on ourselves and the past. Confession began a process of disclosure where we shared expressions of remorse with friends, family, and others. It was part of an ongoing effort to repair and reestablish broken relationships. Confession also involved seeking forgiveness from the Lord through prayer and through any necessary priesthood channels.
We found it best to take step 5 as soon as possible after completing step 4. Postponing it would have been like acknowledging an infected wound without cleansing it. Step 5 seemed overwhelming, but as we asked the Lord for help, He gave us courage and strength. After reviewing our inventories, we confessed to our bishops anything that was illegal or a sin or a
misdeed that would have prevented us from having a temple recommend. This disclosure to proper priesthood authority was an essential part of recovery and healing.
Have you already completed this necessary confession to your bishop?
I believe so, yes. This was the first step I took in my path towards recovery. We moved into a new home in January of 2014. In February I went to the Bishop and talked to him about my addiction to pornography, about my terrible choices with the mistake, and about how I felt. I talked to him about confessing to Becky about the mistake and about what that would do to our relationship.
I talked to him about going to the recovery meetings too.
Becky and I talked about the addiction relapses in February as well or maybe the end of January. The mistake talk happened in March of 2014.
I’m grateful that I still had the desires back then to want to confess and make amends for the terrible choices I’d made. I am grateful that Heavenly Father has always been there to encourage and support me – even in the hardest of times.
If not, will you make an appointment to do so as soon as possible?
I would for sure if I felt there were other things I needed to talk about. Luckily, today, I am living in recovery one day at a time.
If you don’t feel willing to do so, please explain why.
Luckily, I do feel willing to do so. The only unwillingness I’ve felt is that I didn’t want to have to go back through the inventory I’d done with my past sponsor about 3 years ago. That included mistakes from high school and growing up – some of which I included in this new inventory. I’d gone through that completely with my sponsor and with a former bishop and didn’t want to have to dig all that stuff back up – although I would if I felt there were things that still needed to be confronted.
We also selected another trusted person to whom we could disclose the exact nature of our wrongs. We tried to select someone who had gone through steps 4 and 5 and who was well-grounded in the gospel. We began the meeting with prayer to invite the Spirit, and then we read our inventories aloud. The individuals who listened to our inventories often helped us see
lingering areas of self-deception. They helped us put our lives into perspective and avoid exaggerating or minimizing our accountability.
Writing our inventories was like recording hundreds of separate scenes from our lives. In step 5, we had a chance to see our lives unfold, scene after scene, in a flowing narrative. As we did, we began to recognize patterns of weaknesses that had influenced our choices. We started to understand our tendencies toward negative thoughts and emotions (self-will, fear, pride, self-pity, jealousy, self-righteousness, anger, resentment, unbridled passions and desires, and so on). These thoughts and emotions were truly the exact nature of our wrongs.
In completing step 5, we demonstrated before God, ourselves, and another witness our commitment to a new life based firmly on telling and living the truth. Although step 5 was one of the most difficult steps to take, we were encouraged by the counsel of President Spencer W. Kimball: “Repentance can never come until one has bared his soul and admitted his actions without excuses or rationalizations. . . . Those persons who choose to meet the issue and transform their lives may find repentance the harder road at first, but they will find it the infinitely more desirable path as they taste of its fruits” (“The Gospel of Repentance,” Ensign, Oct. 1982, 4).
We have experienced what President Kimball taught. Once we honestly and thoroughly completed step 5, we were left with nothing to hide. We outwardly demonstrated our desire to “give away all [our] sins” (Alma 22:18) so that we could receive a greater knowledge of God’s love and the love and support of many good people who rallied around us.
Do you feel your inventory is complete, that you have written down everything you are honestly aware of?
I do feel it’s complete to my knowledge. Granted, I feel there are always things I remember, little things like thoughts, emotions, or feelings, but those are things I’m willing to add or write down in my journal as an ongoing dialogue and inventory of my current life.
Are you ready to take step 5?
Yes, I’m ready and excited to move forward with my life and the steps.
Begin to seek forgiveness; counsel with the bishop as needed; be honest with God, yourself, and others
The “duty of all persons [is] to confess all their sins to the Lord” (Bible Dictionary, “Confession,” 649). More serious transgressions must be confessed to proper priesthood leaders, usually the bishop: “While only the Lord can forgive sins, these priesthood leaders play a critical role in the process of repentance. They will keep your confession confidential and help you throughout the process of repentance. Be completely honest with them. If you partially confess, mentioning only lesser mistakes, you will not be able to resolve a more serious, undisclosed transgression. The sooner you begin this process, the sooner you will find the peace and joy that come with the miracle of forgiveness” (True to the Faith: A Gospel Reference [2004], 134).
Are you prepared to be COMPLETELY open and honest in taking step 5?
Yes, absolutely. As I review Step 4, I will make sure I’ve included everything that comes to memory and will be honest with myself and with my sponsor.
Use great care and wisdom when selecting someone other than a priesthood leader to whom to disclose your wrongs. Do not share such sensitive information with individuals you suspect might extend improper guidance, provide misinformation, or have difficulty maintaining confidences. Those with whom you share your inventory must be extremely trustworthy in both word and deed.
How are you feeling as you prepare for step 5?
I feel excited and ready.
Do you feel comfortable in doing step 5 with your sponsor?
Yes, I’m grateful for the time he gives me and the support he’s been in my recovery process.
Let peace come into your life
President Brigham Young cautioned members not to disclose sins unnecessarily: “When we ask the brethren, as we frequently do, to speak in sacrament meetings, we wish them, if they have injured their neighbors, to confess their wrongs; but do not tell about your nonsensical conduct that nobody knows of but yourselves. Tell to the public that which belongs to the public. If you have sinned against the people, confess to them. If you have sinned against a family or a neighborhood, go to them and confess. If you have sinned against your Ward, confess to your Ward. If you have sinned against one individual, take that person by yourselves and make your confession to him. And if you have sinned against your God, or against yourselves, confess to God, and keep the matter to yourselves, for I do not want to know anything about it” (Discourses of Brigham Young, sel. John A. Widtsoe [1954], 158).
Occasionally you may observe individuals in recovery meetings or in other situations who seem to rehearse continually their sins and shortcomings or the sins others have committed against them. They are always confessing but never finding peace.
Do not confuse step 5 with an obsessive desire to dwell on negative things. The intent of step 5 is exactly the opposite. We take step 5 not to hold on to the things we confess but to begin to distinguish evil from good for ourselves and to choose good.
Can you see how step 5 prepares you for steps 6 and 7, and truly letting these things go and turning them over to the Lord? Describe how this feels.
Yes, I’m grateful for Step 5 and the opportunity it gives me to get everything out on the table and confess in an open and honest way. I’m grateful that step 3 also helps in working step 6 and 7.
I look forward to working on Step 5 and am grateful to be where I am today.
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