Last night, when I was studying and writing, I had these questions come to mind in assessing my recovery:
- Am I studying the scriptures the way I feel Heavenly Father would want me to study them?
- Am I communicating well with God in prayer?
- How am I doing in submitting my will to God?
- What am I doing to submit my will to God?
- What do I feel submitting my will to God really means?
- Am I keeping my weapons of war buried?
- What do I feel are my weapons of war at this time in my life?
- Are there any weapons I need to bury that I’ve discovered?
- How am I treating Becky?
- How am I treating Caleb?
- How am I treating Madi?
- How am I treating Chloe?
- How am I treating Jayden?
- Am I being the kind of husband and father I want to be?
- How did I live in recovery today?
- What could I have done different to be closer to God today?
- How did I use the Atonement of Jesus Christ today?
- Do I need to make amends to anyone for my actions?
I want to go over a couple of them today, search for answers in the scriptures, and think about how I can apply the answers to my life.
I think these are the two I’ll start with:
- What do I feel submitting my will to God really means?
- What am I doing to submit my will to God?
What does submitting my will to God really mean?
I’m going to start by reading Step 3 in the Addiction Recovery Manual – it’s all about trusting in God by submitting my will to Him.
…in step 3 we were introduced to the only thing we could do for God. We could make a decision to open ourselves to Him and surrender our entire lives—past, present, and future—and our will about our lives to Him.
Open ourselves to Him…
Surrender our entire lives – past, present, and future – and our will about our lives to Him.
How do I open myself to God?
Elder Neal A. Maxwell said this:
…when we begin to submit ourselves by letting our wills be swallowed up in God’s will, then we are really giving something to Him” (“Insights from My Life,” Ensign, Aug. 2000, 9).
I’m still not sure 100% what this means.
This quote from Elder Boyd K. Packer helps some:
“Perhaps the greatest discovery of my life, without question the greatest commitment, came when finally I had the confidence in God that I would loan or yield my agency to him— without compulsion or pressure, without any duress, as a single individual alone, by myself, no counterfeiting, nothing expected other than the privilege. In a sense, speaking figuratively, to take one’s agency, that precious gift which the scriptures make plain is essential to life itself, and say, ‘I will do as you direct,’ is afterward to learn that in so doing you possess it all the more” (Obedience, Brigham Young University Speeches of the Year [Dec. 7, 1971], 4).
Loan or yield my agency to him…
To say, “I will do as you direct…”
Recovery is far more the result of the Lord’s efforts than our own. I’ve lived with this addiction, this character weakness, this sin, my entire life. I’ve battled it, I’ve fought, I’ve given in, I’ve felt defeated, I’ve liked the sin, I’ve not wanted to give it up, I’ve not even realized what I was doing at times. The addiction has controlled a lot of my life.
And the only way I’ve been able to be in recovery is by turning it over to Him and letting Him direct my life.
Submitting my will to God is a decision to allow Him to direct my life; He always respects my agency. Deciding to work the steps of recovery, stay in the program – this has been one of the ways I’ve turned my life over to him.
What are other ways I’ve submitted my will to Him?
My “natural man” immediately thinks – well, those are seminary answers. But these are things I feel are showing God that I’m willing to do whatever it takes to recover:
- Burying my weapons of war
- Leaving Facebook
- Leaving Twitter
- Leaving Instagram
- Limiting Youtube
- Taking all these apps off my phone
- Limiting TV time
- Stopping the browsing of the internet
- The Chin Up Concept
- Praying for strength to look at everyone from the chin up
- Avoiding objectifying women
- Praying about this in the moment of temptation
- Asking for Heavenly Father to help me do what I know I can’t do on my own
- Thanking Him for helping me not look at women who I know are dressed in a way that will cause me to lust, compare, or covet
- Practicing this concept every day, moment to moment
- Working the Steps of Recovery with a Sponsor
- Being consistent
- Not missing a day
- Communicating with my sponsor
- Being completely honest in recovery
- Attending ARP Meetings
- Not telling myself I’m fine and don’t need to go anymore
- Praying to be humble and not think I’m better than others because of my small amount of recovery
- Talking with Becky Each Night about the AEIOUs
- Being honest with her even when it’s hard to be honest – fear of how she’ll react
- Studying and Writing in My Journal
- Asking tough questions
- Searching for answers
- Writing out my feelings
Changing my life this much has to be my own decision. I’m not compelled to change. I want to. I realize what’s at stake if I don’t change today, one day at a time.
Our willingness was the solid foundation on which the balance of recovery rested.
All I have to do is be WILLING to live in recovery.
Taking Step 3 is scary. What will happen if I humble myself and surrender my life and will completely to the care of God? What will that take away from me? Am I really ready and able to do that long-term?
The answer is NO – I can’t do this on my own.
I’m grateful for this study today. It got interrupted a bit by my parents calling, but it was good to talk with them.
Here’s to a day in recovery!
Hasta luego!
Nate
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