I’m back! I haven’t written for a few days and it feels good to be back. I’ve had some crazy days with work – getting clients set up for upgraded security, so that’s been a distraction.
I realize, today, that all those “crazy things are work” are a distraction and that writing, praying and studying MUST be the first priority in my day every day, one day at a time.
I want this to be the way it is.
I need this to be the way it is.
This is living my life in recovery from addiction.
This is part of submitting my will to God instead of “white-knuckling” it.
I had a good talk night before last with Grant about his recovery. He called me later to talk about his feelings, which I was really happy about. I’ve realized over the course of my recovery that talking about feelings is a HUGE part of my recovery from addiction to pornography and all that comes with it.
Hiding feelings or coping with them in other ways (lust, porn, etc.) is at the core of why I’ve succumb in the past.
Due to talking about feelings and writing about them, I’ve been about to feel even more and recognize the Holy Ghost in my life.
I’m not perfect: I still have random thoughts from time to time, but I try to quickly turn my life and will over to God and let Him help me do what I know I can’t do on my own.
I love Becky so much. I love the connection I feel with her when I’m in a good place. I also recognize more now how I try to cling to her for connection when I haven’t done my own recovery work and connected with God. This has been one of the addictive behaviors that leads to acting out; I’m grateful to recognize this tendency today.
Today is going to be a great day.
I’m headed to the SA meeting now with Rory and look forward to that.
We are also starting the work on the yard today and cleaning the condo – which I found new renters for!
I will hopefully make time to do more study later, but wanted to take some time this morning before I left to write.