Where Am I At Today in Addiction Recovery?

Today has been a good day overall.

Today I hit 500 days in recovery, which I’d say is a good benchmark.

But today I’m living one day at a time.

Yesterday was hard; I’m not sure why.

It could have been a few things:

1. I’ve been reading the SA book and it’s talking about what addiction is. This is hard because it starts putting questions in my mind like, “Have I really been living in recovery?” “Am I doing enough?” “What will tomorrow bring?” “Can I maintain this long-term?”

   I know all these questions are dumb, especially since all I can worry about is today. But the questions are there.

2. I was tired yesterday and today.
3. We had friends over and our kids and their kids combined can be quite the chaos.
4. I didn’t get to write or read too much yesterday.

I don’t know if there are other things as well, but these are a few things that come to mind.

This morning, as I was headed to a meeting, I did say a vocal prayer and ask Heavenly Father to help me submit my will to Him today. I really feel that helped and the anxiety seemed to dissipate.

I also listened to “True to the Faith” from LDS.org, which is basically definitions and feedback on different topics. Prayer stuck out to me as I listened.

The rest of the day today has been pretty focused on getting things done:

• I worked on the App progress for Lacey and put together a pretty direct and comprehensive email to her
• I got the mock up sent to Chad
• I replied to Drew about his monthly maintenance questions with a well-thought-out and tactful email
• I did some accounting and refunded A La Mode for a miscalculation
• I reached out to Thrive to find out about Janece’s issue with the plugin
• I talked with UG about the coaching program, which I’m really interested in and feel like I want to be a part of
• I did a bit of research on it after the call to see if there were reviews – all looked good so far
• I worked on finalizing UCR so that we can start pushing visitors to it and the BNI group
• Added UCR to the security
• Learned how to make an image fade via Youtube tutorial
• Talked with GHU about their site and sent them an email about what they need to know
• Answered a few more emails
• And now I’m writing out my thoughts and feelings

I am grateful for recovery today.

I’m grateful that I was able to be here with the boys while Beck and the others went to the pool.

I’m grateful for Becky and how thoughtful she is of me. She sent me this text today, which really made me feel special to her:

I hope you’re having a good meeting. I am worried about you and love you so much. I am sorry if you felt let down on Father’s Day. I did my best to try to celebrate both you and Jay but it was hard to juggle both on the same day. I am so grateful for the Father you have been in our family today and for this past year. I love you.

I was really grateful she sent that and called her afterward to chat.

I don’t feel my feelings yesterday had much if anything to do with sharing the time with Jay.

I do feel that I need to feed myself more with spiritual things. I don’t want to get passive and feel that “All is well…”

As I went to LDS.org, I found one of my favorite talks by President Uchtdorf about grace. Whenever I hear grace, it reminds me of Mandy, which makes me want to send her the email I’d put together a while back.

Here are some of the highlights:

Because of the sacrifice of our beloved Redeemer, death has no sting, the grave has no victory,¹ Satan has no lasting power, and we are “begotten … again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ.”²

I like that it says that Satan has no lasting power. To me, this means that yes, he can have power here on Earth, but if I surrender and submit my will to God, Satan will lose his power, even here on Earth and I can disregard him completely. Granted, the temptations will still be there, but he won’t have the effect he has once had.

The Savior’s Atonement cannot become commonplace in our teaching, in our conversation, or in our hearts. It is sacred and holy, for it was through this “great and last sacrifice” that Jesus the Christ brought “salvation to all those who shall believe on his name.”⁶

I feel this can happen to me. Sure, the Atonement is there, but do I really need to use that all the time, every day? ABSOLUTELY! I’ve used it today to ask for His help. I’ve used it today to get out of the funk I feel I’ve been in. I’ve used it today to stay facing God and His way. I’ve used it today to be aware of my surroundings and not go to places that I know could be dangerous (ie. photography websites). I’m grateful for the Atonement today and know I would be no where close to 500 days in recovery without it.

A powerful expression of that love is what the scriptures often call the grace of God—the divine assistance and endowment of strength by which we grow from the flawed and limited beings we are now into exalted beings of “truth and light, until [we are] glorified in truth and [know] all things.”⁸

Flawed and limited beings – I would say that speaks directly about me. Only in and through His grace can I become “exalted beings of truth and light…”

I’m grateful I made time today to write and reflect some.

I look forward to a good night in recovery.

Nate