I have a call in a couple minutes so this will be the start of a journal entry.
My goal this week from SA is to write in my journal every day. Here’s to the start of that goal.
So why have things been off lately?
Here’s a quick list:
- I haven’t been writing or studying as much and connecting with God.
- We’ve had visitors (both my parents and Becky’s parents), which can trigger me into co-dependent behaviors.
I feel these are the main two issues.
I need to continue to fortify and do all I can to connect with God on a day to day basis, even a moment to moment basis.
I’m now headed to talk with Adam about his week two step work.
The call with Adam went good. I got an email from Becky while on the call with him, and it was tempting to want to read it while Adam and I were talking, but I didn’t.
I did just read it now and it was really hard.
If I think honestly about what she said in her email, I do believe that I was not in the best place yesterday. I do believe I had checked out.
Addictive behavior was there and I don’t want that in my life. I want to live in recovery today.
I’m in my room right now and feel fear to even go out and be with the family. I don’t want to feel detached from Becky. I don’t want to live in my addictive behaviors.
What can I do to surrender and submit my will to Him?
I can say a prayer now.
I can ask for His help.
I can be helpful with the kids.
I can look for opportunities to help and be supportive.
I can keep a prayer in my heart throughout the day and not isolate or be angry or fearful or resentful (I don’t feel I was resentful yesterday, but do feel I isolated.)
I can seek for answers at church.
I can be grateful for what I have today.
I can love my wife and family with all my heart.
I can take today for what it is and practice recovery.
That’s all I can do today I feel.
I can also study and feed my spirit with positive and quality things.