UPDATE: this is a combination study from yesterday and today.
I slept in a bit this yesterday morning due to my longer night last night.
So, I’m up now at 7:30 and have a call at 8:00.
What I’d like to study is about why it’s helpful to drop a sponsee if they have a relapse (or if it really is).
I did a Google search for “why drop a sponsee in addiction recovery” and found a few answers, sort of.
I also opened up the “Instructions for New Sponsors” doc and reviewed it. These are some things that stuck out:
If they do not do their assignments faithfully, you must immediately remind them of their agreement and that you will not be able to continue to sponsor them if they fail to start doing their daily work that day. You MUST step down as their sponsor if they do not comply. If this be the case, send them an email letting them know you are no longer their sponsor and encourage them to request another sponsor from the website when they are truly ready.
This one makes sense for sure. If a sponsee isn’t ready to work the steps, pushing them, pulling them, and babysitting them is just another version of co-dependency that isn’t helpful for my recovery or theirs.
The doc also says:
If they slip during this first week, you are to step down as their sponsor…period.
This, too, makes sense I think. If they are saying they are ready to start recovery but make slips during the first week, the commitment to change and to living a “new normal” aren’t there yet.
This is the one that’s hard:
During the second week, they formally commit to being willing to abstain and they begin tracking and reporting their abstinence. After beginning step 1, any sort of a slip MUST mean starting back at day 1, or you stepping down as their sponsor. NEVER START OVER MORE THAN 1 TIME WITH ANY SPONSEE without approval from Mark G. A fresh start with a new sponsor is often exactly what is needed.
I understand if slips happen initially, even in week 2, but what about situations like with Adam, where we’ve been through Step 4 and are preparing for Step 5? He’s made great progress. And we have a good recovery relationship.
The document goes on to share this:
Allowing a sponsee to continue working the program while still acting out is wrong on our part. Continuous abstinence is a necessary element for working steps 3-12 and for recovery to take place. If they are not ready or able to accomplish this, they should be encouraged to seek the Lord’s help to become ready, through prayer, meeting attendance, counseling with their Bishop, and by associating with good, solid friends in the Church and in the Program. They will need to work on getting rid of all negative influences in their life if they are to be successful. We must ALWAYS stress that abstinence can only be accomplished through the power and love of our Heavenly Father and our Savior’s Atonement.
I see the reasoning, but I still don’t understand completely why dropping them is really helpful, especially after there is a strong relationship that is based on recovery and healing.
This is found in the Outline for Sponsorship:
Understand that failure to maintain abstinence breaks your agreement with your Support Person. He may choose to step down if there is a slip of any kind. He may re-start with you only once but is not obligated to do so. It is best not to make this commitment if you do not feel reasonably sure you are ready to stop.
I found this as well in a doc called Basic Guidelines for Sponsorship:
If they slip several times close together, they are likely not ready for recovery. You will need to prayerfully decide if you need to step down as their sponsor. Working the program while continuing to act out cannot produce recovery.
I believe this last one was an older version and the new stuff is what I shared earlier.
My guess is, Mark and others saw an abuse of starting over and starting over with no real commitment to recovery.
I looked up some other information about sponsorship and didn’t really find too much worth commenting about.
At the end of the day, I just want to live in recovery, work the steps, and be at one with God. I want to be a sponsor and have a sponsor, and I want to practice what I preach, be aware, keep my chin up and live my life as close to God and His Son as I can.
It reminds me of this quote from then Elder Packer:
True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior.
The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel.
I want to study the gospel of Jesus Christ.
I want to learn to be like Him.
I want to fill my life with good things and steer clear of the bad.
Here’s to a day in recovery and healing.
Hasta luego!
Nate
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