I don’t have much time to study right now, but hope to continue this after my meeting this morning.
The question I posted in the title is for me, not for anyone else.
I want to be practicing humility always by acknowledging God’s hand in my life.
My first response or intuition says that the way to practice humility is by being grateful: grateful for God and for what He’s done for me, grateful for my wife, grateful for my children, grateful for recovery, grateful for repentance, grateful for forgiveness, grateful for one day to surrender to Him, grateful for health and strength, and grateful for another chance to live in recovery today.
Obviously there can be so many things to be grateful for, but I feel this is the start of practicing humility.
I look forward to possibly commenting on this today in meeting and studying about it more.
It was a good meeting today. We had 14 people there – I think this was the biggest turnout yet.
The one thing I do feel threw me a little off was one friend shared about some tough times he’d had recently. He talked about how he’d been browsing online and had looked up triggering words like foreign beaches. He’d browsed for about an hour, looking at beaches and people on those beaches.
He talked about how he’d talked to his sponsor and surrendered to the fact that he’d been lusting.
He wasn’t sure if he needed to re-start his sobriety date (he has quite a bit of time in sobriety). But, he said his sponsor said he didn’t need to because he hadn’t acted out with masturbation…
I just didn’t feel right about this.
I don’t feel right for two reasons:
- What is sobriety if, in the white book, lust is at the core of sexual addition?
- Ultimately it’s not my boat to row and I shouldn’t let it get to me.
But it does for a few reasons.
First, I have sponsees in the meeting. If they hear that they can “lust” as much as they want and it won’t affect me working with them, that’s not true.
If they feel they can do what “normal” guys do by browsing, comparing, fantasizing, and living in addiction – that’s not going to happen with me as their sponsor.
Is that being too harsh? Is that not being “fair?” Is that instilling my will on the situation as opposed to God’s will?
I honestly don’t think so.
I just read an article from Rhyll that talks about slips, lapses, and relapse. I feel it explains the difference, although I’m not sure when is the appropriate time to reset one’s “sobriety date.” I guess, at this point and with this situation, it’s not something for me to worry about. Period.
To me, “progressive victory over lust” means to stop and stay stopped. It means that, if and when I feel lustful triggers, I’m willing to surrender them immediately to God and to another person. As I shared yesterday, surrender is the key.
I have to be aware, be willing to surrender right away, and practice the principles of chin up if I want to really claim to be living in recovery from my addiction.
We also see that lust is the driving force behind our sexual acting out, and true sobriety includes progressive victory over lust.
From the White Book:
“Lust is an attitude, demanding that a natural instinct serve unnatural desires.”
After talking with Becky more about my concerns, I decided to call my sponsor and surrender my feelings to him, ask him questions, and get some feedback. What he shared was perfect.
He first identified with how I was feeling, told me he’d had a similar experience doing a Step 1 inventory with a brother, and shared what he learned from that experience.
- Let go and let God
- Stop trying to be God
- Recovery is a personal thing, on God’s timing, not mine
He also shared about what sobriety and recovery means to him.
I was so grateful to reach out to him and for his willingness to share with me what he’d learned. It was exactly what I needed to hear and be reminded of.