What am I feeling today?
- We are in Arizona with Becky’s family.
- Sometimes when we’re with them like this, I don’t feel very connected emotionally to Becky.
- I had to let Daniel go as a sponsee in the 90 day program last night.
- I got a bunch of notifications from my server about hacking on sites that are already set up with security software.
- I have lots of work to do with the U, NWOUT, HC, new projects, and HS.
- I haven’t made time to connect with God since we’ve been on this trip.
- I feel triggered by negative emotions with the kids, especially Caleb.
- I want to connect with my friend Mark while I’m here in Arizona but am not sure it will work out.
- I feel like I should be relaxing, and then I feel I should be working, and it goes back and forth.
- I’m worried about Tyson’s health – he’s really stuffy and coughing a lot, especially at night.
- I want to be a quality sponsor and help my sponsees understand the importance of working the steps and being 100% committed without trying to control them or “play God”
- I want to make sure I’m working my own recovery one day at a time
- I’m around people at the pool, which can always be triggering
Those are my feelings, at least the ones I’m aware of right now.
One of the things that’s come to my mind lately is practicing saying the Step 3 Prayer:
God, I offer myself to Thee – to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!”
I also think of the Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done.
Doing the will of God – this is a topic that I could study ongoing I think.
Questions that come to mind:
- How do I know what the will of God is for me right now?
- How do I not confuse my will with God’s?
- Does God have a will for me in everything I do?
- When do I need to be an agent unto myself and practice my own free agency?
- Does the will of God change for me from time to time?
- If so, how? and why?
- What are things I can do proactively to know God’s will for me today, right now?
These statements really stuck out to me from the Step 3 portion of the White Book:
Lust has a way of destroying the soul. In Step Three we surrender our defiance and become reconciled to our God…We discovered that the root of our problem is conscious separation from the Source of our lives; the solution is conscious union with that Source.
This is all I have today but I feel good about writing again.