What Do I Need to Surrender Today?

What do I need to surrender?

Tonight was a tough night. I felt stress about Scouts and how the fundraiser was going to go. C and I hadn’t really even talked about it, which stressed me out.

I had expectations.

I felt like there were expectations on me.

I felt stress that it wouldn’t work out.

I felt resentment that C hadn’t really planned anything.

I felt resentment that I was asked to speak to JJ and I didn’t really know what was going on.

I felt embarrassed that we/I wasn’t better prepared.

I felt resentment that, to me, when things get done as far as advancement and progress, it’s up to me to manage the program.

All of this is my pride.

All of this seems to be in part because, yesterday and today, I didn’t make time to connect with God in a humble way. I didn’t write, I didn’t study, I didn’t work recovery.

I feel this is the true answer.

I’ve been in these spots before and haven’t been as frustrated – I just roll with it. But today I was mad because I was in a prideful place. Today I was comparing my way of doing things to C’s way of doing things. Today I was putting my will before God’s.

I did get a good nap, which was helpful in surrendering. I did read a little of the Peacegiver. But I didn’t honestly and humbly reach out to God today or yesterday.

God, I offer myself to Thee — to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!

Interestingly, I looked at LDS.org and found this article:

This quote stuck out too:

You need to know that the Lord hasn’t called you because of anything you have done. In your case, it is probably in spite of what you have done. The Lord has called you for what He needs to do through you, and that will happen only if you do it His way.

This hit me too, in relationship to sponsorship:

…in the Church [and sponsorship], to effectively serve others we must see them through a parent’s eyes, through Heavenly Father’s eyes.

Only then can we begin to comprehend the true worth of a soul. Only then can we sense the love that Heavenly Father has for all of His children. Only then can we sense the Savior’s caring concern for them. We cannot completely fulfill our covenant obligation to mourn with those who mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort unless we see them through God’s eyes.³

This scripture is so applicable to me right now:

“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ.”⁶

I must surrender my will and my expectations.

I must surrender my pride and my arrogance.

I must surrender my addictive behaviors of self-pity, fear, comparison, resentment, and anger.

I must “let go and let God.”

I must be honest with myself and realize that my life is unmanageable – I have to turn it over to Him.

I must strive to connect with God and realize that it’s only in and through His Son that I can truly find peace and serenity.

I feel much better having taken the time to write and reflect and look in the mirror.

Buenas noches.

Nate