What Am I Feeling Today?

Today is a new day. I just posted the first discussion topic written by someone other than me. I’m excited about it (although honestly I’m a bit nervous for where it could go if I allow others to share their thoughts as part of a discussion topic – I guess we’ll see what happens).

So, first, my feelings:

• I feel isolated
• I feel anxious
• I feel guilty
• I feel lonely
• I feel like I have expectations

Why do I feel these things?

I feel isolated

I’m pretty sure I feel this way often when visitors come to see us, especially parents. It’s not necessary but it’s there. When Becky’s parents are here, they inadvertently demand time and attention from Becky – time and attention that I feel I want and need. But this isn’t true. I feel that that expectation is my addict way and I don’t need to require all of her time and attention.

What can I do?

• I can get more involved in the conversations
• I can write about my feelings
• I can connect with God and make that a top priority
• I can reach out to other fellows and share my feelings
• I can pray and ask for peace and comfort
• I can work in the yard – although this may cause more isolation and detachment
• I can connect more with the kids
• I can help around the house (lose myself)

I feel anxious

I feel these feelings for a few reasons: 1. the full disclosure assignment is here 2. Clair B is opting out of our campout this weekend and I’m not sure how to handle that 3. There are lots of things that need to happen with projects that I don’t have ready yet

What can I do?

• Start compiling all my information for the full disclosure
• Talk to others who have done the full disclosure
• Pray for help
• Let go of the outcome for the campout
• Suggest that we just go on the campout for father’s and son’s
• Make a list of the things that need to get done today and just start chipping away at them
  • SRR mock-up
    • Send PO to Caleb
  • Contract work
    • Review list of things I can do
    • Find a better, more reliable Local contractor
    • Do exactly what my contract says plus some
    • Report what’s been happening
  • Wach work
    • Get agents added that I have
    • Create proposal for the ongoing work
    • Share video training with them on what we talked about yesterday
  • BDT
    • Schedule time to work with them today
    • Follow up on next steps
  • Legend
    • Begin coding the new site
    • Make changes they requested (as applicable)
    • Review the contract
  • Classic J
    • Prepare the solution presentation
    • Make sure we’re still on for Friday
  • A La Mode
    • Review next steps
    • Prepare for meeting on Wednesday
    • Invoice for current work
  • Vision
    • Follow up with Kallie/Jeremiah on next steps
  • GoUCR
    • Reach out to 10 targeted business owners (Dentists)
    • Keep track of what’s working
  • Money
    • Deposit the money I received yesterday
    • Account for it in my income statement and on Freshbooks
• Express gratitude for where I am today
• Share these feelings with others – surrender

What’s so interesting is that as I write out what needs to be done, I feel relief and strength. It’s like admitting that I know what needs to be done helps me take the first steps.

I feel guilty

I feel this way because I feel there is more I can do for my big contract. I’ve done some things, but there is more I can do.

What can I do?

• Like I said earlier, make a list of things I can do for them and then do them
• Review what I’d been committed to do and do it
• Find new contractors that can help me do additional work for them

I feel lonely

I’ve talked about this already in relation to isolation. I feel I can work my way out of these feelings and move forward.

I feel like I have expectations

These expectations are a result of feeling lonely and isolated and God hunger.

I feel better already about these things and look forward to getting out to help with the kids.

I’m grateful for this practice of surrendering my feelings via writing. I plan to share this writing with my sponsor now and continue to ask God to give me the strength I need to do His will, not my own.

I’m so grateful for recovery and the changes I feel happening in my life as I act!

Hasta luego!

Nate