What do I feel?
I feel uneasy.
I feel like I have so much to do that I don’t know where to start.
I feel anxious.
I feel flustered.
I feel lonely & isolated.
I feel like sleeping.
I feel scared.
I feel self-pity.
Now the why…
I feel uneasy because I know there are lots of things to do and I feel I’ve been procrastinating things that seem to be hard.
I feel like I have so much to do and I don’t know where to start. The truth is, I do know where to start, but I continue to seem to find other things I can do that will distract from doing the hard things.
I feel anxious about work, the projects I’ve signed and the projects I need to be working on and managing.
I feel flustered by the server issues and what I need to do about those.
I feel lonely and isolated – I really miss having Becky here and look forward to seeing her tonight.
I feel like going back to sleep as a way to cope with all the above feelings.
I feel scared that I can’t keep up with myself and the goals and projects I’m taking on. I want to grow the company, but feel I can’t do it on my own, yet I’m scared to hire or look for help for fear it won’t work out the way I envision. I created a diagram today in an effort to map things out and try to fill in the gaps.
I feel self-pity that I’m doing this on my own. This, however, is my own choice.
What can I do?
I need to look at the list I created this morning and just start. Maybe put a time limit on each task and do as much as I can in the time allotted, then move on.
I need to connect with God. I started today with a prayer, on my knees, out loud. I need to continue to pray throughout the day and let Him know how I’m feeling and seek guidance.
I need to continue communication with the server to make sure I have things cleaned up and take the appropriate steps.
I need to reach out to my sponsor and other friends in recovery. I need to reach out to Becky and talk to her. I need to connect with God.
Sleep is an option but I feel I primarily need to push through and do as much as I can.
I can’t think too far ahead. I need to repeat the serenity prayer and realize that I can only control what I can control. I need to pray for the wisdom to know the difference.
Self-pity is a feeling like resentment – this is my choice to feel that way. The other feelings may be contributing to the feeling of self-pity, but I need to surrender those and focus on what I CAN do, not what I shouldn’t be doing or CAN’T do.
As I read an article from the Ensign about having a change of heart, this quote stuck out:
We find joy in the consistent effort of experiencing a change of heart as we embrace the Atonement of Jesus Christ in our lives…our Savior went forth, “suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people” (Alma 7:11).
I’m grateful to want to practice writing out my feelings and recognizing them for what they are.
I’m grateful for a Savior and Father who I can turn to for help and peace.
I hope that, today, I can put my trust in Them and do my best. I want to be honest in all my dealings and do my best.
I look forward to a day in recovery.