Well, I met with Jason this morning and it felt really good to get in touch.
I admitted that, again, it’s been really hard to get back in to a consistent routine since my “vacation”. We talked about the Big Book and some of the things it mentions there:
Resentment is the “number one” offender…In most cases it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships (including sex) were hurt or threatened.
It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness….For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit…If we were to live, we had to be free of anger.
These are the EXACT feelings I’ve had lately, especially at work. I’ve felt resentment toward Dane, and that resentment really started right when I got back from my vacation.
I wasn’t happy to be back. I felt under-appreciated. I felt like I was worth more, both financially and in an appreciation way, than what I was getting. I felt like a “replaceable cost” instead of a valuable asset.
It has been nice to be able to talk to Jason C. at work – I feel like he really “seeks first to understand, then to be understood.” I just sent him a compensation proposal and we’ll see where that goes.
Things I’m Grateful For
- That I have a job that I really enjoy for the most part
- That I like the colleagues I work with
- That I recognize that there are resentments with the person I report to directly – mostly because of my pride, self-esteem, and feeling of under-value
- That Becky was able to talk to me last night about her feelings in regard to issues she’s had in the past
- That I’m able to work on my own businesses while at work
- That I get paid pretty well to build my own businesses and share that knowledge with others
- That I have real desires to get back in to a good routine where the Spirit is there with me to help me avoid anger and resentment, which leads to every other problem I face
I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ and how, as I follow it, I’m so much happier.
I love my family. I’m excited to start coaching Caleb and his friends tonight in soccer.
I’m grateful for the addiction recovery program and how it’s helping me re-define my life and overcome weaknesses by USING the Atonement.
I look forward to reading more in the Big Book and in the manual and working the Steps.