You may feel that someone who really knew all your weaknesses and failings would reject you. But a priesthood leader or a trusted friend who understands the recovery process usually responds with understanding and compassion. How could such a response help you heal?
It is very hard for pornography addicts to come out of the shadows. It was extremely hard for me. It still is sometimes. Ironically, revealing the truth is painful i the beginning and sweet in the long run. Addiction is exhilarating in the beginning and extremely painful in the long run. Honesty and Addiction are opposites. Indeed secrecy and dishonesty are the life and blood of addiction.
Sometimes I think that if my sisters and mom knew about my problem things would get worse. I’ve prayed about it and honestly I think God thinks the same. However, I have prayed about confessing my sins to other people and God has prompted me to do so. For example, my wife, my bishop, my stake president, a recovery group, and the honor code office. Again, it is hard to do it, but in the long run it feels good. As a friend of mine once said, “I hate going into the bishops office, but I love coming out of it.”
Confessing my faults helps me share the load. There is something psychological about talking about self problems. One I confess to the right people, I feel understood. And feeling understood is very healthy.
Staying open and honest, at this point in my life, is a constant struggle. Sometimes I advance my addiction a little bit–maybe start typing names on the search box without actually searching anything–and it is hard to admit it and confess it. “This is something so small”–it might be small but it accumulates until it brings bigger stuff–like a snowball. It is better to confess fast and move on (in other words to repent). Sometimes I am doing so well that I am embarrassed (pride) to confess I advanced my addiction-snowball a little bit. I have found that when I’ve been clean for about two weeks or more, it is hard to demolish the image my wife or my facilitator, I think, have on me by telling them “I have cravings.” Somehow I feel that if I have cravings, I am not doing well.
Anyway, bottom line confessing to the right people is good. Not confessing is bad for recovery–it perpetuates the addictive cycle. Revelation is key to know who to confess to. (Revelation should not be confused with “who I think it’d be best to confess”.)
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