It’s been too long since I wrote here.
I have been doing so so – not terribly bad, but not always the best either. Yesterday was a bit of a test. I looked at pictures of girls in bikinis, browsed Facebook, and eventually looked on Flickr for images that were not appropriate. I didn’t see “porn” per se, but it’s the direction I’m headed if I don’t turn to God and make necessary changes.
I’ve been reading the Book of Mormon fairly consistently this whole month. Interestingly enough, I didn’t read yesterday and read the day before in the evening, which I feel has a direct effect on my spiritual progression throughout the day. It’s just as the scripture states about the whole armor of God – when I’ve prepared in the morning, I’m more ready to combat the fiery darts of the adversary. Otherwise, I’m putting my trust in the arm of the flesh, and I’ve learned from my own bad experiences that that NEVER works.
I started reading the Book of Mormon on September 1st as part of a Facebook challenge to read the book completely from September 1 to December 31st, 2011. I decided to start in a different place (Alma 1) and it’s been really interesting.
I’ve been reading with a couple things in mind:
- How I could share the message better with my friend Brian who’s been talking with me a bit about the topic on Facebook.
- Understanding the voice of Mormon as the compiler of the information.
- Searching for answers about how the information was recorded (of which, since having this question, I’ve found lots of answers on how it was done – ie. Ether 5:1 – “1 And now I, Moroni, have written the words which were commanded me, according to my memory; and I have told you the things which I have asealed up; therefore touch them not in order that ye may translate; for that thing is forbidden you, except by and by it shall be wisdom in God.” bold added for emphasis)
As I’ve thought about my addiction and why I’ve gone back there a bit as of late, I’ve realized it’s due to a couple factors:
- Fear: I’ve had a good month in business, set specific goals, and for the most part achieved those goals. I feel, as the month comes to a close, that I’m nervous that I won’t be able to sustain the momentum and success I’ve had this last month. This makes me nervous, and when I get nervous, instead of pushing harder I tend to stop and “relax” or waste time (aka browse, surf, etc.). I feel I can change this tendency just by recognizing that it’s there.
- Need of Attention: My mother-in-law is in town this week. I really like her and have no problem with the situation; however, I feel I can come in my office and do nothing (or look at whatever) because Becky is so focused on taking care of her mom that she forgets about me. I know this isn’t completely true but feel it’s my current perspective. How can I overcome this? One way is to be more involved in their conversation, be out with them discussing whatever they are discussing, or at least listening in. I did that this morning and feel it’s only healthy.
So, those are my thoughts for today.
I can already feel that today is going to be better because I’ve taken time to read in the morning, I’ve taken time to write out my thoughts, and I plan to pray for help and strength throughout the day today.