In the Orem program I went to yesterday with B, we are starting on Step 1 – Honesty. It was a short meeting for the group I was with but I felt the Spirit and it went really well.
After the meeting B and I had a good talk, a hard talk again, but a good one.
When we woke up this morning we had another good talk, this one being a bit easier and more open.
We talked about the necessity of her not to “fix” or “recover” for me.
We talked about what my core issues are: insecurity, lack of connection, being the only child with expectations, and selfishness.
We talked about my addictive behaviors and how the pride and anger are generally bad signs of things to come.
We talked about submission – how I need to continue submitting all the time and B also needs to let go of control and submit in her own way to God.
I’m grateful for the conversations we had.
I’m grateful that I feel close to her again today and that we are both doing our best to work on our own recovery.
I’m grateful to be aware of the things I need to do today to remain in recovery – writing out my feelings and working the steps being a big part of that recovery.
I’m grateful for the talk I’m going to read now called “O That Cunning Plan of the Evil One” by M. Russel Ballard.
There is hope for the addicted, and this hope comes through the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ.
I agree 100% with this. The only hope I have right now is in the Atonement and how I can only do this by submitting my will to God.
Like the fly fisherman who knows that trout are driven by hunger, Lucifer knows our “hunger,” or weaknesses, and tempts us with counterfeit lures which, if taken, can cause us to be yanked from the stream of life into his unmerciful influence. And unlike a fly fisherman who catches and releases the fish unharmed back into the water, Lucifer will not voluntarily let go. His goal is to make his victims as miserable as he is.
So what are my “hungers” or “weaknesses”? What do I go for as a counterfeit lure?
- I hunger for connection and acceptance
- I hunger for closeness
- I hunger for praise and recognition
- I hunger for others to be happy with me
My “counterfeit lures”
- Thinking that “connection” is only about sex
- Thinking that pornography provides closeness
I really like this explanation of why I [and other addicts] bite at Satan’s counterfeit lures:
Researchers tell us there is a mechanism in our brain called the pleasure center. 2 When activated by certain drugs or behaviors, it overpowers the part of our brain that governs our willpower, judgment, logic, and morality. This leads the addict to abandon what he or she knows is right. And when that happens, the hook is set and Lucifer takes control.
Addiction takes away our agency – our freedom to choose. Why would we ever want to give this up?
Right from the very beginning in the great Council in Heaven, Satan “sought to destroy the agency of man, which I, the Lord God, had given him. …
“And he became Satan, yea, even the devil, the father of all lies, to deceive and to blind men, and to lead them captive at his will” (Moses 4:3–4).
Satan and his minions have their lures all around us, hoping that we will falter and take his flies so he can reel us in with counterfeit means.
The power of prayer to overcome addictions
If anyone who is addicted has a desire to overcome, then there is a way to spiritual freedom—a way to escape from bondage—a way that is proven. It begins with prayer—sincere, fervent, and constant communication with the Creator of our spirits and bodies, our Heavenly Father.
“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love … ; that ye may become the sons of God; … that we may be purified even as he is pure” (Moroni 7:48)
I’m grateful for this study today.
I’m grateful for the Spirit I feel as I read the words of the prophets and apostles.
I’m grateful that today I choose to submit my will to God.
I look forward to submitting during the day and living another day in recovery.
Hasta manana! Nate