Today is a new day. I was happy to go to the meeting last night, listen to the experiences of the guys in the group and share my thoughts on Step 5. Confession is a vital part of my recovery, both the big confession after Step 4 and ongoing confession in Step 10.
These are some of the topics I shared about:
- 12 years old – could have confessed then, didn’t
- Hiding throughout my life
- My Yelp experience
- A – Abstinence
- E – Exercise
- I – What did I do for me?
- O – What did I do for others?
- U – Unresolved Emotions/Feelings
- Y – Yay for today
What always feels cool (and is probably a bit prideful, is when people come up afterward and ask for more information on a comment I made. I know it’s dangerous to want this attention, but I’m glad that sometimes my comments can possibly help and strengthen others as their comments help and strengthen me.
I really look up to Alan in our group. I remember when he came into the group and was really emotional. Since then, he as over 1,400 days in recovery from his addiction. He’s a great example of submitting his will to God. I’m considering having him sponsor me, although after the meeting, I talked with Spencer as well, who has mentioned a website called ARPSupport.org. This site allows you to request sponsorship and they have a very specific 92 day program of “living in recovery”. I think what I’ll do is communicate with Alan from time to time, maybe even go running with him occasionally, and then get a sponsor from that ARP site too.
I feel good about my recovery today, but I want to continue “living in recovery” every day and I know that being accountable to someone who has been there is always really helpful.
Plus, in about 90 days or so I will be able to submit my name to become a facilitator, which I believe I’d really like to do at some time.
Which leads me to another detail I wanted to write about today: Working on things I can control.
The serenity prayer is all about control:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things I ca, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
The serenity prayer is about submitting my will to God. I like this quote from Elder Maxwell:
Submissiveness to God enables us to govern ourselves…Lacking this capacity we are vulnerable, like ‘a city which is broken down, and without walls’ (Proverbs 25:28). We are vulnerable if we can be taken by a wave of emotion, invaded by an invidious impulse, roughed up by resentment, or engulfed by a surge of selfishness.” – Neal A. Maxwell
As I prepare to do the next assignment is the Innergold manual, I like what this quote says about control and my lack of it in some areas of my life:
Much of the anxiety and stress in our lives is due to our efforts to control things that are uncontrollable. The purpose of the following assignment is to help you become more aware of those things that you are attempting to control that cannot be controlled…you will likely be amazed at how much of your time is spend in efforts that are creating more stress for you.
Physically Can’t Control
Physically Can Control
Emotionally Can’t Control
Emotionally Can Control
Spiritually Can’t Control
Spiritually Can Control
Sexually Can’t Control
Sexucally Can Control
I will work on the last two tomorrow and hopefully add more to the first two as I think about them more.
I’m grateful for recovery.
I’m grateful that today is day 280 in my recovery from addiction.
I’m grateful that today I’m choosing to submit my will to God.
I’m grateful that today I put writing in my journal and studying at the top of my list.
I’m grateful that today I’m trying to fortify myself and my family and wear the whole armor of God.
The kids and I are working on memorizing this scripture, which I feel is very applicable to the process of recovery from addiction:
But this much I can tell you: that if you do no watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God, and continue if the faith of what ye have heard concerning the coming of our Lord, even unto the end of your lives, ye must perish. And now, O man, remember, and perish not. (Mosiah 4:30 – typed by memory)
And here is what it is from LDS.org:
30 But this much I can tell you, that if ye do not watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God, and continue in the faith of what ye have heard concerning the coming of our Lord, even unto the end of your lives, ye must perish. And now, O man, remember, and perish not.
BINGO! I like what it says in LDS.org about the application of this scripture:
What are some specific actions you have taken to maintain clean and virtuous thoughts, words, and actions throughout the day?
This is submitting to God!