Today has been a good and crazy day. Becky and I stayed our last night last night at the Zermatt in Midway. It was such a great time to get away and enjoy the gift I won from BNI.
We had such a relaxing time – ate great food at fun restaurants, watched the Hunger Games movie, and just enjoyed some time alone. Both of us missed the kids and it was fun to come back to the ear-plugging screams of J as he belted to be on Mom’s lap while we were driving…
We were both thankful to Mom and Dad for taking time to come down and stay with the kids. They aren’t getting any younger and it seems to be taking more of a tole on them to do stuff like this, but I know they like to be with the kids and seem to enjoy it for the most part.
We left the Zermatt at about noon and headed to Orem to pick out the tile and all that in order to finish the downstairs bathroom. That’s one of the things I love so much about Beck – we just get stuff done together. No dilly-dallying around, no “thinking about it,” just go and get done what needs to get done and check it off the list. We got all the things picked out that we needed to (or the majority of them), and let Kasey know where we were budget wise.
Then we came back, picked up the kids from school, and the chaos began: Caleb to scouts, Madi to dance, Becky to her class, me trying to get caught up with calls, leads, bids, and all the extra stuff. And just like that I had completely spaced my meeting with my sponsor that was supposed to be at 5:15. I was actually picking up Madi from dance right at that time so I should have scheduled it for later. Hopefully we can work out a time tomorrow to talk about the first week of sponsorship.
I’ve been really grateful to have the desires to write and answer the questions in the sponsorship program.
I’ve been grateful to work on recovery one day at a time and answer the questions openly and honestly.
I’m grateful that people are willing to reach out and help, and I look forward to doing that at some point as well.
I’m grateful for another day of recovery.
As Beck and I were watching Monday night football, the cheerleaders came on the screen. Without thinking too much about it, I just turned my head and thought, “It’s not worth it – I don’t want to have that in my mind.” I’m grateful for the grace of God and His hand in helping change my mindset and want to live my life in recovery.
I know in the past I wouldn’t have even thought to look away. I would have just rolled with it and may have not even noticed what it was doing to my mind and spiritual conscience. But today is different. Today I don’t want to go there. Sure, there are temptations all around, but I want to live in recovery. I want to be able to have deep talks with Becky about spiritual things. I don’t want to start hiding things or acting as if nothing is there.
I want to submit my will to God and let him direct my eyes and heart and mind in the right places.
And I want to have that attitude when no one is even around, when no one’s looking. It reminds me of that FHE lesson we had on integrity. That’s what true integrity is – what I do when no one is looking.
I’m grateful for these feelings and know that they are due to the Atonement, they are due to the grace of God, they have come not necessarily because of me – “but I will boast in my God, for with his strength I can do all things.”
I am grateful to want to write.
I am grateful to want to study the gospel.
I hope that I can talk with Brandon tomorrow and start working on the next steps in the sponsorship program.
I’m grateful for my parents.
I’m grateful for my children.
I’m grateful that Becky seemed to feel better tonight with the baby and all that.
I’m grateful that we got to watch the BYU basketball game together (even though they lost in 2OT).
I’m grateful for the Thanksgiving season.
I’m grateful we’ll get to go to Idaho and see family and enjoy one another’s company.
I want to be aware of Becky’s feelings and not check out or not be there to help.
I want to keep the same schedule and standard’s we’ve set up here.
This is it for tonight.