Day 13 – Step Work
Let go of pride and seek humility
Pride and honesty cannot coexist. Pride is an illusion and is an essential element of all addiction. Pride distorts the truth about things as they are, as they have been, and as they will be. It is a major obstacle to your recovery.
How has pride distorted the truth about things as they are, as they have been, and as they will be? Give examples of each.
Gosh, pride has been the core of my addiction. I’ve been distorted the truth about who I’ve been since I was a kid. I felt I had to be perceived as “the perfect son” and that everything I did was being watched. I think, due to pride, I didn’t think too much about things as they are or as they will be – I was too caught up in self-gratification, selfishness and self-deception.
I’m grateful that today I can be honest with myself, with Becky and with God. Last night Becky and I had a good talk about the day. I talked to her about even the littlest thing that I felt was a distraction from being who I really want to be. I’d used Fiverr to have a logo re-designed and while there, saw an ad for video voice over. I clicked on it and the girl was attractive. She wasn’t necessarily scantily clad but just going there didn’t feel right. I told Becky about this and recommended we just block Fiverr altogether – I don’t really need it in my life and if I do, I can have Becky open it for a short time.
I feel this type of honesty is where I want to be all the time. I don’t want to hide anything. I’m grateful that today I feel this way and today I don’t want pride to be a part of who I am. I know that it’s important to pray for humility and recognize how pride can become a part of my life in a variety of different ways: lying, comparison, must be seen as, anger, resentment, and blame.
President Ezra Taft Benson defined pride: “Pride is a very misunderstood sin. . . . Most of us think of pride as self-centeredness, conceit, boastfulness, arrogance, or haughtiness. All of these are elements of the sin, but the heart, or core, is still missing. The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means ‘hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition. It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us. Pride is essentially competitive in nature. We pit our will against God’s. When we direct our pride toward God, it is in the spirit of ‘my will and not thine be done.’ . . . Our will in competition to God’s will allows desires, appetites, and passions to go unbridled (see Alma 38:12; 3 Nephi 12:30). The proud cannot accept the authority of God giving direction to their lives (see Helaman 12:6). They pit their perceptions of truth against God’s great knowledge, their abilities versus God’s priesthood power, their accomplishments against His mighty works” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1989, 3–4; or Ensign, May 1989, 4).
How has pride manifested itself in your life in regard to your addiction? Give several examples.
My will against God’s. I feel this has been the way it’s been for a lot of my life. I felt I could do things on my own, do what I wanted, and I’d be fine. I feel I’ve also had enmity toward Becky and others – a hostility to or a state of opposition towards.” We argued about the stupidest things; it was about who was right or wrong, and I was determined to prove that I was right or I just closed off when I knew she was right, but I wasn’t willing to admit it.
I feel my addictions have been one big manifestation of my pride. By acting out in my addiction I’ve taken what I know, what I’ve been taught, and just said, “Yeah, I know that’s what I should do, but I’d rather do this, this seems more appealing, this is what will make me the most happy today…” How wrong I always was.
I’m grateful that I recognize these feelings and where I was. I’m grateful to write this stuff out.
How has pride manifested itself in your life in areas other than your addiction? Give several examples.
Well, the anger, the comparison, and the stubbornness I have had, both with other colleagues when I worked at PR and the defensiveness I’ve had with FS at times – these are all forms of my pride. Anytime I think to myself, “I’m so much better than that,” or “I have it all figured out and they don’t,” or “What I’m going to share at the meeting tonight is going to impress everyone there,” – THIS is pride and this is something I need to continue to pray about and asked Heavenly Father to help me with. I don’t know that I always think about those things directly, but I think sometimes I indirectly think this.
I feel pride is the universal core of sin. I feel today I’m willing to surrender my will to God and ask for humility in recovery.
As you become willing to abstain and admit the problems you face, your pride will gradually be replaced with humility.
Are you willing to allow your pride to be replaced by humility?
Not only am I willing to allow pride to be replaced by humility, but I want this to happen. I want to be humble. I want to have strength through the Atonement of Christ and not on my own. I want to recognize His hand in all things. I want to turn to Him in everything and be willing to put my trust in Him and do what I feel he wants me to do.
I’m grateful to have these feelings today, and I hope that these feelings will continue to grow and get stronger and stronger thus eliminating prideful desires.
I look forward to today.