I’ve missed writing for the last couple days due to feeling really bad. I’ve had a cough, sore throat, chest pain, and my whole body has ached. I measured a 101 fever today too.
But I think the hardest part of all of it is that I feel like Becky doubts that I’m really that sick or she thinks I’m milking it or being a whimp.
It’s a combination of being sick AND having my parents here from Monday thru Thursday that I know has been hard for both of us. Sometimes my parents just don’t think before they say stupid things.
I’m sure my feelings are exaggerated. I know Beck has been working on her Step 4 Inventory too, which can be hard for sure.
The truth is, I haven’t been sick for a long, long time, at least not physically sick. I don’t know if I just don’t remember what it feels like to be sick or if I really am sick.
I don’t want to dabble in self-pity or attention seeking.
I just want to be honest with myself and others.
I just want to live in recovery today.
When Beck went to her class tonight, I was feeling pretty bad. Then the kids started acting up and I felt my addictive behaviors kick in of being mad, irritable, easy to anger, and short-tempered. What I should have done is gone in the other room and let them have fun playing together.
So, that’s how I feel right now.
I did go to group yesterday even though I felt bad and that actually felt really good to be there.
I look forward to continue to live in recovery today and pray for patience and peace with my health.