I noted the other day some questions I had about my recovery:
- Am I studying the scriptures the way I feel Heavenly Father would want me to study them?
- Am I communicating well with God in prayer?
- How am I doing in submitting my will to God?
- What am I doing to submit my will to God?
- What do I feel submitting my will to God really means?
- Am I keeping my weapons of war buried?
- What do I feel are my weapons of war at this time in my life?
- Are there any weapons I need to bury that I’ve discovered?
- How am I treating Becky?
- How am I treating Caleb?
- How am I treating Madi?
- How am I treating Chloe?
- How am I treating Jayden?
- Am I being the kind of husband and father I want to be?
- How did I live in recovery today?
- What could I have done different to be closer to God today?
- How did I use the Atonement of Jesus Christ today?
- Do I need to make amends to anyone for my actions?
Today I’m really tired – I woke up early for BNI – so this will be a start to my study and then I’ll end it a little later after a quick nap.
The question I want to think about today is “Am I being the kind of husband and father I want to be?”
Yesterday evening was a tough one: Caleb seemed to be having a bad attitude and didn’t seem to be being honest with himself or us, Jayden was yelling, and it was all wearing on me.
I tried really hard to be aware and not over react – and for the most part, I felt I did ok. But today, Becky was pretty nervous about how I’ve been lately. She said I seemed to be swinging back and forth from really nice to really angry.
I’m aware of that way of acting, and it’s a valid concern: that’s the way I was all the time when I was in my addiction.
Today, though, I feel like I’m living in recovery. Granted, I’m not perfect, but I’m honestly trying to be different than I was in the past.
Today I’m trying to submit my will to God, keep my weapons buried, and live as close to Heavenly Father as I can.
It was good to listen to Beck and be aware of how she’s feeling. I appreciated her being completely honest with me – it helps me know what she’s got on her mind and keeps me from guessing what might be wrong.
I don’t want to be prideful, or blaming, or shaming, or judgmental of others.
I just woke up from a 2 1/2 hour nap – longer than I expected to rest but it felt so good to rejuvenate.
I’m grateful that I am trying to listen to myself and do what I feel will give me the best chance to stay in recovery one day at a time.
What are my weaknesses?
I’m reading an article from LDS.org titled “It Isn’t a Sin to Be Weak.” It shares this scripture:
“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether 12:27)
I believe I’m weak in a lot of things. What does God want me to learn from those things?
Some of my weaknesses:
- Quick to anger
- Quick to judge others
- Want to do things my way
- Not very empathetic of others
- Desires to lust
- Fear of failure and success
- Thinking I’m better than others
- Not always recognizing my weaknesses
The article goes on to say:
We might define weakness as the limitation on our wisdom, power, and holiness that comes with being human.
I really like what this says:
We cannot grow spiritually unless we reject sin, but we also do not grow spiritually unless we accept our state of human weakness, respond to it with humility and faith, and learn through our weakness to trust in God.
This is a good break down too:
Distinguishing Sin and Weakness
|Willful disobedience to God
|Human limitation, infirmity
|Encouraged by Satan
|Part of our mortal nature
|Knowingly breaking God’s commandments, believing Satan over God
|Susceptibility to temptation, emotion, fatigue, physical or mental illness, ignorance, predispositions, trauma, death
|Did Jesus have?
|Our response should be?
|Humility, faith in Christ, and efforts to overcome
|God’s response in turn?
|Grace—an enabling power
|Which results in?
|Being cleansed from sin
|Acquiring holiness, strength
This article was so helpful. I hope to read it again and think about my weaknesses more. I like how it talks about weakness and how it isn’t always something we can fix. Sometimes we are “blessed” with weaknesses to make us humble. Praying for help with the weakness won’t make it go away, but God will help us through His grace to deal with it, to lighten our burden, and to make weak things become strong.
It also talks about how weaknesses and strengths can also be closely tied together. This made me think – yes, I’m fearless when it comes to doing some things, but I’m also fearful of failure in some things too, which can cause me to procrastinate.
I’m grateful for this study today and for what I’ve learned about myself and my weaknesses.
I look forward to reading this article again.