Yesterday was a tougher day for me: I went camping on Friday night and had a great time with the scouts. When I cam back on Saturday, I was tired and felt vulnerable.
I went to pick up Chloe at dance practice and the Festival of Colors is happening at the Hindu temple on the way there. It was crazy – there were people all over the place and some of the girls weren’t dressed that appropriately.
It was the first time in a long time that I had a hard time keeping my chin up. I did say a prayer and did eventually feel like things got better, but I didn’t like the feeling.
Based on this experience, I want to study about how to deal with lustful feelings and temptations.
There are a few talks and scriptures that I found that talk about this topic.
The first one is called “To Be in the World but Not of the World.”
It says,
Elder Bruce R. McConkie defines the “world” as “the social conditions created by such of the inhabitants of the earth as live carnal, sensuous, lustful lives, and who have not put off the natural man by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the gospel.” (Bruce R. McConkie, Mormon Doctrine, [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1966], p. 847.)
To live of the world means that I haven’t put off the natural man tendencies of being carnal, devilish, lustful, and sensuous.
Mosiah 3:19 For the anaturalbman is an cenemy to God, and has been from the dfall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he eyields to the enticings of the fHoly Spirit, and gputteth off the hnatural man and becometh a isaint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a jchild, ksubmissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.
This is an interesting cross-reference:
James 4:4 Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.
“Enmity with God” reminds me of the talk by President Benson – “Beware of Pride.”
I also like looking at the cross-references for “yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit:” this statement reminds me of submitting my will to God.
Helaman 3:35 explains this:
35 Nevertheless they did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility, and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation, yea, even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts, which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts unto God.
So, in other words, they submitted their will to God by fasting and praying often, and by doing this they became stronger and stronger in humility, and more firm in their faith in Christ. And with this came the purification and sanctification of their hearts.
2 Chronicles 30:8 talks about yielding too:
8 Now be ye not stiffnecked, as your fathers were, butyield yourselves unto the Lord, and enter into his sanctuary, which he hath sanctified for ever: and serve the Lord your God, that the fierceness of his wrath may turn away from you.
Serving God and others is another way I can submit my will to God.
I’m concerned about my sponsee Grant. He seems to be dabbling in sin and getting closer and closer to the edge. I’ve been there before and it’s a common path of an addict – to yield to the enticings of Satan, to indulge in natural man tendencies, and eventually to succumb.
I got this email from him today:
Nate,
Last night was terrible. I couldn’t go to sleep, but was tired. So I stayed up watching a show and then I started breaking more of my defenses. I went as far as looking at images that create lustful desires. But stopped at nudity. I felt helpless and out of control, but finally I remembered to pray to God and ask for His help. That’s when I was able to stop. It sue to be that going this close was a common occurrence, but I’m scared and really never want to get that close again.
I feel this is relapse.
I feel he is giving in to his natural man tendencies.
I feel he isn’t willing to submit his will to God yet, or he isn’t willing to trust in God to help him.
I sent an email to Mark, the man who started the sponsorship program, asking him what he recommends. I’m pretty sure I know what the answer will be to my email – drop him, he’s not ready to abstain.
16 For all that is in the world, the alust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the bpride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the cworld.
17 And the aworldbpasseth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the cwill of God dabideth for ever.
Elder Holland said this about lust:
If we stop chopping at the branches of this problem [of infidelity] and strike more directly at the root of the tree, not surprisingly we find lust lurking furtively there. Lust is an unsavory word, and it is certainly an unsavory topic for me to address, but there is good reason why in some traditions it is known as the most deadly of the seven deadly sins. 2
Lust is the root of the tree of addiction.
…lust is characterized by shame and stealth and is almost pathologically clandestine—the later and darker the hour the better, with a double-bolted door just in case. Love makes us instinctively reach out to God and other people. Lust, on the other hand, is anything but godly and celebrates self-indulgence. Love comes with open hands and open heart; lust comes with only an open appetite.
I sent this email to my sponsee:
I’m concerned about the direction it seems you’re facing. When you started step 1, you made a declaration of sobriety. Although you may have not completely relapsed, it seems like you are getting closer and closer to the edge, and I feel like both of us know through our own tough experience where this is headed unless drastic changes are made.
Unburying weapons of war is an invitation to relapse.
Making excuses about why we are giving in is an invitation to relapse.
Getting as close to the edge of relapse, without actually relapsing, isn’t submitting one’s will to God and isn’t living in recovery one day at a time.
If we stop chopping at the branches of this problem and strike more directly at the root of the tree, not surprisingly we find lust lurking furtively there. Lust is an unsavory word, and it is certainly an unsavory topic for me to address, but there is good reason why in some traditions it is known as the most deadly of the seven deadly sins. – https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/place-no-more-for-the-enemy-of-my-soul?lang=eng
Lust is the root of the tree of addiction to pornography, and giving in to that natural man tendency is the start of the end.
As your sponsor and friend, I won’t be able to continue sponsoring you if this path continues. If you’re touching yourself inappropriately (no matter how long it is or what the result is) or looking at images or videos that are encouraging lustful thoughts and actions (even if it’s not nudity), this is not following the path of recovery that we are working on together. Many times my relapse in the past wasn’t nudity either – it was just dabbling with social media and ended in justification, shame, blame and every other symptom of my addiction.
Here is one other talk I encourage you to read, think about, and pray about:
https://www.lds.org/ensign/1989/05/beware-of-pride?lang=eng
I will look forward to speaking with you tonight at 9:00 and will be praying for you.
Talk soon.
Sponsorship isn’t easy – I want to help him, I don’t want to drop him, I want to give him hope – but I can only invite and hope that he’s ready to recover by submitting his will to God.
Hasta luego!
Nate
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