Today is a new day. Today I’m working at submitting my will to Him. Today I’m a bit stressed so I want to write out why and determine what I can do to deal with the stresses in a positive and productive and safe way.
First, the stresses:
| Stress | What’s the next step I can take? | How will that make me feel? | Status |
| The U Mobile project | Email Michael to follow up | Like I’m taking action | DONE |
| Fusion Sound project | Follow up with Devin | Like I’m doing everything I can | DONE |
| UCR project | Send a detailed report to Harman | Like I’m taking initiative and not relying solely on Devin | To Do |
| The U DEP project | Follow up with Devin | Like I’m moving forward | DONE |
| The U hourly work | Get the project put together and sent to Harman for review | Like I’m doing what I said I would do | To Do |
| Absolute little tasks | Review them | Like I’m being a good web firm | To Do |
| UCR Meeting with Clint | Text him to say that I can’t meet today | Relieved that I don’t have to tell them it’s not done yet | DONE |
| Life Imagination tasks | Ask wiredtree about how to get the backed up files | Like I’m moving forward | To Do |
| Get Aspire Orders from director | Follow up with her via text | Like I’m doing my part | To Do |
| Follow up with Kagan about money | Text him | Like I’m doing my part | To Do |
| Follow up with Hi-Light | Talk to Kagan, let them know what we found about the orders | Like I’m doing my part | To Do |
| Stacy T work | Review the details | Like I’m doing what I said I’d do | To Do |
| Create project on Odesk for Refath | Follow up with him via Skype | That I’m making progress in growing the business | To Do |
| The Jasmine project | Add the Gravity Forms updated plugin | Like I’m doing what I said I’d do | To Do |
| Create proposal for CFC partnership | Map out the details via document and send | Like I’m moving forward to grow my business | To Do |
| Submit my accountability report | Get my study and writing done | That I’m living in recovery | In progress |
| The BYU Nursing App | Follow up with Lacey | That I’m moving forward with this project | DONE |
| Getting my W9 Done |
There are probably more tasks but these are the ones on my mind.
I’m grateful to have taken the time to write them out.
Last night I read the talk about the Prodigal Son. It reminded me of where I’ve been and that I’m not ever going to be out of the woods with my addiction. What I feel comfort about, though, is that over the weekend Becky and I were able to have a great couple talks with Mom and Dad about my addiction and what we’ve been doing to live in recovery.
They weren’t easy talks and I admit that I felt some levels of anxiety, fear that I was completely letting my parents down, and fear that they would be so disappointed in me. But at the end of the day, I feel that the talks needed to happen and that they will only make things better for all of us.
One of the scriptures that I wanted to look at more was related to Lehi’s dream. It says:
And it came to pass that there arose a mist of darkness; yea, even an exceedingly great mist of darkness, insomuch that they who had commenced in the path did lose their way, that they wandered off and were lost.
The mist of darkness, in my situation, has been pornography and lust. These two evil things have caused me to lose my way, caused me to wander off, and caused me to get extremely lost.
Nephi expounds on what the mists of darkness are too:
And the mists of darkness are the temptations of the devil, which blindeth the eyes, and hardeneth the hearts of the children of men, and leadeth them away into broad roads, that they perish and are lost.
Blindeth the eyes…
Hardeneth the hearts…
Leadeth away into broad roads…
Perish and are lost.
This is exactly what’s happened to me in the past and could happen to me again at any time if I’m not aware, submissive to God’s will, and continually willing to turn my life and will over to Him.
And here’s one of the answers on how to submit my life and will over to Him:
And I said unto them that it was the word of God; and whoso would hearken unto the word of God, and would hold fast unto it, they would never perish; neither could the temptations and the fiery darts of the adversary overpower them unto blindness, to lead them away to destruction.
As I study the word of God and apply it in my life, I’m filling my mind and heart with light. And light will always overpower darkness.
As I keep my weapons of war buried this will help too – namely the following:
- Browsing the internet
- Social media in all it’s forms (Youtube and LinkedIn included)
- Not staying up late
When I cross referenced “blindeth” it talks about “Apostasy of Individuals.” I think, in the past, I would immediately think of others and not consider how these scriptures apply to ME.
Today, however, I realize clearly that I have been blinded. I have been lost. I have been lead away into forbidden paths.
I’m grateful for this awareness. I’m grateful that I want to be aware and want to hold fast to the iron rod today.
I look forward to continuing this study about Lehi’s dream and about holding fast to the iron rod.
I feel better already about my day and where I’m headed.
Hasta luego!
Nate
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